Spiritual direction

IN roughly an hour and a half from now, I leave for our September formation session which I have been looking forward to with great anticipation. I am a bit downcast because I enter this formation looking for a new spiritual director.


It has proven extremely difficult logistically for my spiritual director and I to meet regularly. This is partly due to logistical issues related to my disability, partly due to his schedule, and partly due to mine.

He recommends (rightly) that I should seek a new spiritual director with the consultation of our director of deacons. I certainly don't have a problem with doing that, but I also have no idea where to turn, or who I can turn to that has been approved by the diocese for this purpose who is close to me (I need someone relatively close-our diocese is very spread out).

The Lord has allowed me thus far to continue in my studies for the deaconate and has removed many obstacles miraculously that have been in my path. I can accept it if it is not the Lord's will for me to press on (although it would be a source of personal pain that I would have to endure), but I would like to believe that if he were going to send me that message, it wouldn't be through something-a logistical issue-like this.

There is one guideline that is a challenge for me logistically. Our spiritual director cannot be our pastor.


This is a problem that has to be solved for the benefit of my spiritual guidance, my formation, and my soul.

Pray for me, I do need it.

Deacon on the move

I got news on Tuesday that one of the two deacons at our parish, Deacon Bob Smearing, is about to move-he informed the Knights of Columbus of this Tuesday night. I'm sorry to see Deacon Bob go, although I have known that it would likely happen at some point for awhile now. Deacon Bob has been a quiet but moving example to me of the way that a good deacon ought to go about his ministry. Deacon Bob preaches with no small amount of force when he thinks it necessary, but outside of his duties at the altar he goes about his ministry in a humble and unassuming way-indeed I'd venture to say that few parishioners at St. Pat's even realize what he does away from Mass.

He has spent much of his time in ministry to the sick, the home-bound, and the very poor. He has served on the Board of Directors of the Ministerial Association Temporary Shelter-or MATS-and has gone about delivering Our Lord in the Eucharist to a great many people who otherwise can't make it to church on Sunday or on Days of Obligation. The quiet fashion in which he carries out his duties has been an example to me of how I ought to behave in my own ministry as the Lord allows, and I also appreciate that he has been there to give me advice and a cheerful smile when I have needed it thus far along my journey.


St. Albert the Great is getting an excellent addition to their ministry staff, while St. Pat's is left-at least for the time being-with two priests (one while our pastor Father Joseph Hammond is visiting his family and friends in Ghana), but only one very overworked deacon.

Dying to self

Nicole and I returned this past weekend from our Diocese of Knoxville retreat for Deaconate Aspirants greatly blessed and spiritually refreshed, even if we found ourselves physically quite tired by the end of the weekend. Nicole greatly enjoyed the retreat, as she and I haven't been on a full weekend retreat since we were married. The closest we had come was a Knights of Columbus day of reflection we both happened to attend shortly after our wedding. Robert Feduccia-who we will be seeing plenty more of over the next four years because he'll be giving the Aspirants instruction on several topics-gave a wonderful retreat. His talk on the Holy Eucharist, in which he declared that we should "leave our troubles at the altar  with Jesus" reminding us that the element of bread is but wheat and water and that we are like wheat ourselves. In the Eucharist becoming the Body and Blood of Christ, we see again Christ sharing in our humanity and ourselves getting "a share in the divinity of Christ" as the priest or deacon intones at every Mass.


One reality that I am being compelled to confront is the fact that if the Lord allows me to approach candidacy and ordination, I will have little choice but to significantly curtail my level of political involvement in the community. Those of you who know me well know that this presents a certain personal challenge because my degree is in political science and I have had at least some level of involvement in party politics for most of my adult life. Indeed, I write three op-ed columns, but the most popular one continues to be my op-ed Examiner column on State politics. The proceeds from that column help me to pay for some of the extemporaneous expenses involved in the process of deaconate formation. Yet, after listening closely to the bishop's words in his talk to Aspirant retreatants, it is clear to me that I may not be able to continue writing that column if I am ordained-His Excellency made it quite clear that while our choice of political support is our own, that public support of individual candidates while serving in ordained ministry may not be something that he wishes to see his deacons do. To people who are used to being involved in the political world, that can seem somewhat harsh, but there may be a larger reason for it. As any Catholic knows, the Church is under what I would call an increased threat of persecution, and not only because of the HHS mandate, but because of the increased secularization of Western culture. Where politics are concerned, the Church is in a critical position to impact society through issue-based advocacy on those matters where the people of God ought to take a keen interest, but the support by the Church of particular candidates in a public way isn't desirable because there is simply no candidate for high office that fully embraces the teachings of the Church. It is true that there may be a candidate that is more acceptable than another from a Catholic perspective, but the laity govern the civil sphere and it is up to them to make informed choices when voting based on Catholic teaching. This places a double responsibility on the clergy, however, to inform the laity of Catholic moral and social teaching, because failure to do so in the past has (as Cardinal Dolan of New York so adequately put it some weeks ago) led the Church to the current situation in which we find ourselves.

As a deacon, I will not any longer be a member of the laity, and therein lies the rub that a great many people may not understand. Being a deacon is a ministry of service for the Church, however small that ministry might happen to be. All deacons are ordained, which means that they have received the Sacrament of Holy Orders. As members of the clergy, deacons share with priests and bishops (who are also deacons by virtue of their own ordinations-no priest or bishop in the world is not first and always a deacon) a life of service to the faithful. Even though permanent deacons have a secular life or a secular calling, being a deacon is not what a man does, as his job, profession, or livelihood-it is who he is, a servant of the people of God first and foremost, and an agent to them of Christ's Church. The laity are called to oversee the civil power, but the ordained are called to oversee the ecclesiastical order.


It is with that realization that I have come to understand that my political involvement will be quite limited as a deacon. If I, by God's grace, should be ordained, then I may not write a political column as I do now, and I certainly won't have the level of political involvement that I have had in the past...that prospect does not bother me. I understand that for me, the choice is between the service of God and His Church or the advancement of my own self-interest.


The deaconate is-at its very heart-about dying to self.

Counting blessings

As all of you who live in East Tennessee may know that the weather has been hotter than blazes of late. The high in White Pine Saturday reached (according to the weather station at the Fire Hall) 107 degrees Fahrenheit. Nicole and I have been fortunate to find ways to keep cool and comfortable. We have learned that this isn't the case for all. I received word Sunday that my parents, brother, aunts and several cousins may be without power for nearly a week after some very nasty storms swept through the part of Central Ohio where they live and did enough damage to the power supply that Ohio Power is shipping in crews from out of State. My Dad told me yesterday that he and my mother happened to be out when these storms hit and that the wind nearly lifted their car off the ground and that they are lucky to be alive. I dutifully replied that we had hundred degree heat, but no power problems and that they were welcome here if they could make it.


My Dad helps manage a group home for mentally challenged men. He said "I have to take care of these guys, they don't have anyone else." He said that power was out all over town and that he had to drive the residents all the way to Zanesville (about 30 miles) in order that they might have something to eat in a cool place-all of their refrigerated food was rotting. Newspaper reports confirmed Dad's account, although it does appear that the situation has improved somewhat since he and I talked.

Like everyone else, I am prone to complain about the heat and the high light bill it seems destined to bring about-but we have had a cool house and cool places to go, good food to eat, and a refuge from the rising thermometer. I am reminded of those who do not have such a refuge, and that I am grateful that neither Nicole or myself were caught in those storms.


One thing that this summer is teaching me is to appreciate the things I have and to remember those who do not have, and to appreciate the opportunity and the calling that God has given and is giving to me.

Times of trial

I really must apologize to the readers of this blog for going so long without a post, but I think everyone should know that it has been a very trying time for our deaconate formation class, and we are all in need of your prayers. We have had one Brother Aspirant who lost a brother-in-law and his father within a couple of days of each other. Still another who has lost a son to a terrible accident. Further, my own house seems to be enduring some troubles of late (no, nothing serious or threatening, just another trial of sorts). We all need your prayers. We were warned that the Enemy of our Souls would place us in the cross hairs, and it certainly would certainly seem that he is giving it his best attempt-we shall not let him win.

We had our last workshop of the year in mid-May, and Deacon Bob Smearing, who helps lead the ministry to the sick and homebound of our parish, attended. I was thrilled to have him there, and it seems that in recent weeks he and I have been communicating more, a reality with which I am particularly happy and which I hope continues. I sat next to Deacon Bob during last week's Knights of Columbus meeting and First Degree. Deacon Bob said he may be able to get an Ordo for me at the paraclete, but I haven't been able to pick it up yet (I forgot to check for it Sunday last). Deacon Bob and I are communicating more, so it is good to have a Deacon in my own parish that I can learn from on a regular basis even as classes are over for the summer.

A glipse of the life of the deacon

It is hard to believe that this weekend was our final formation weekend of the academic year. We won't quite be done just yet even after this weekend, as we'll still have our May deanery workshops to attend. I'm still actively hunting something that would serve as an acceptable summer assignment, but it is possible I might have at least successfully baited the hook in that regard. As it turns out, our parish Director of Religious Education is no longer going to be exercising that ministry as of the end of this month (she has done it for many years), and Deacon Jim Fage, who is not only our RCIA Director at St. Pat's, but also serves as the deanery youth coordinator. Now, Deacon Jim is about to become the new Director of Religious Education in addition to his other pastoral and liturgical duties, and he'll need a whole new slate of volunteers, since our previous DRE and her husband did nearly all the work.

Deacon Do-It-All needs a hand, and he needs it soon. I've already been told that I may be tapped (Nicole and I used to teach religious education in Cincinnati). Deacon Jim has to organize volunteers, decide who will teach what, and he may have to make some curriculum and text decisions, and I know that over the summer he will probably need help putting this together. I volunteered to assist him with anything at all that I can do to help meet a need as he takes the helm of parish religious education.

This weekend was sullied somewhat by the notable absence of our Brother Aspirant (and my friend) Steve Helmbrecht. Not only did Steve and his wife, Genae have to go to Genae's brother's funeral, but when they arrived, Steve received a call from his brother that his Dad, who was 92 years young, had passed away. Pray for the repose of the soul of Bobby Bohm and Hank Helmbrecht, and for the Bohm and Helmbrecht families, and for Genae and Steve-Steve has been an indispensable help to me and a wonderful friend thus far on our amazing journey together.

This past weekend may turn out to be equally indispensable to teaching and showing us what our ministry as a deacon just might be like. Deacon Joe Stackhouse from Immaculate Conception in Knoxville shared his thoughts about homilies and how terrified he was when he delivered his first one-and he is a professor at the University of Tennessee. Deacon Tim Elliott, who is our Director of Deacons in the Diocese of Knoxville, and who is overseeing our formation, talked about some of the faculties and canonical authority that a deacon has-and what he isn't empowered to do. Deacon Patrick Murphy-Racey, who is my spiritual director, talked about how being a deacon impacts his every day life as a professional photographer, and how he's been able to reach out in love to bring the Church's message of the healing, hope, and truth of Christ in some form to such varied people as his own Mom-a civil rights attorney-to Vince McMahon of WWE (yes, that Mr. McMahon). Deacon Mike Duncan from St. Albert the Great in Halls discussed how being a deacon has impacted both his family life and his role in his parish. I also learned that he has personal experience with the annulment process which could prove to be such a vital part of our ministry for so many individuals.

Deacon Tim further elaborated on the faculties we will receive if we are ordained, and some of the items we'll need that might make good ordination presents-we were encouraged to keep a list as we get closer to that time. He also told us to remember that our first responsibility-before our ministry as deacons-is to our wives and families. As a result, he said, we should not be afraid of the use of the word "NO." While we can't really say no to the bishop, it is also pretty clear that the bishop won't ask more from us than we can handle. The bishop, he told us, will give us his expectations for how much time our ministry is expected to take each month when we are ordained. However, our pastors and others who need us to serve them may ask for substantially more than the bishop does in his assignment. If that starts interfering with our ability to put family first, we can say "NO" to a certain degree in order to preserve that delegate balance between ordained ministry and family life.

Deacon Jim Lawson talked about his ministry as a chaplain for the Knoxville Police Department and the Knox County Sheriff's Office. He discussed how he's been able to reach not only Catholics but so many others because he has often had to be the person both the department and-by extension-to the many people of all denominations and faiths and none to whom he had to deliver unfortunate news about the fate of their loved ones, and do it in a way that somehow brings the comfort and the grace of Jesus into that situation.

This weekend was our first real look at the daily ministry of the deacon that will, if God wills it, become our own. Now we move from the introductory phase of formation into the spiritual meat and potatoes we'll need in the years to come.

Thoughts on the call to obedience

It is an unfortunate reality that we live in a skeptical age that is skeptical of God and of His Holy Church. Indeed, even though nearly 90% of Americans say that they believe in a Higher Power, nearly half of those people don't attend Church regularly. Some surveys have suggested that among the younger generation, the number of people skeptical or even in denial of the existence of God is much higher, and certainly the devil-may-care attitude reflected in modern popular culture reflects what Walter Cardinal Kasper has called "cultural atheism." In other words, our culture behaves as though God does not exist whether we say to ourselves or to others that He exists or does not.

Many people are rationalizing that because the Church has been rocked in the past decade by the priest sex abuse scandal and other singular abuses, that the Church somehow does not have the authority to command obedience to morality in the name of Jesus Christ. Truth does not change merely because some of those who have proclaimed it in the past have fallen into sin. It does not change even if the whole of those who have proclaimed it give themselves over to sin and the wiles of the devil. If such faulty theological logic had any merit, the Church would never have survived the first week after Our Lord was crucified. After all, with the exception of the Apostle St. John, all of the original 12 abandoned Jesus, one even openly denied him and did so three times. Yet it was the weak one who denied Christ three times who was chosen to lead the Church after Our Lord ascended to the Father. One of the remaining Eleven after our Lord rose again even refused to believe, yet Christ allowed that one to see as well as believe, he didn't reject him or tell him that he had no authority. Christ instead breathed the Holy Spirit on these imperfect men and told them to go forth and proclaim the Good News. Christ promised that the gates of Hell would not prevail against the Church, but He certainly never promised that the Church would be composed of perfect people or that some of its leaders would not ever fall into serious sin or scandal themselves.

Catholic readers will recall, I am sure, the case of Father John Corapi, who stood accused of having an affair with a woman who worked with him, and was even accused (not, apparently, without some cause) of having multiple affairs with multiple women. Corapi left the priesthood, at first saying that without doing so, he would be unable to prove his innocence in a legitimate fashion. His religious community said that he was not fit for public ministry, but they didn't ever say "Father Corapi isn't welcome to return." Indeed, he was invited to come live in community with the rest of priests and brothers of his religious order, the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity (SOLT). It was when he openly refused to obey this order which was given in accordance with his religious vow to obey those placed in religious authority over him that SOLT said that Father Corapi was "unfit for public ministry" as a priest.

Many good Catholics were and remain rightly scandalized by the case of Father Corapi. This is because so many people were brought into a deeper relationship with Christ and with Our Blessed Mother through Father Corapi's powerful witness, teaching, and preaching, and two of those people included Nicole and myself. We didn't just watch Father Corapi's programs on EWTN, in 2005, we attended a day of reflection with Father Corapi in Kentucky. I was deeply moved by his powerful witness of fidelity to the Church and his own conversion story. He was keenly aware of his own past, however-he returned to the Faith from a world of drug addiction, worldliness, pleasure, and, to hear his own description, the worst forms of sin and vice imaginable in our modern secularist culture, and he said "if you ever pick up a newspaper and read that Father John Corapi was found dead in a crack house somewhere, it might very well be the truth, because the devil is always at work, and don't you think the devil doesn't know my addictions and weaknesses." I remembered Father Corapi saying this, but it didn't make his decision to leave the priesthood sting any less. His disobedience to and disregard for the authority of the very Church which he had preached for 20 years
that the rest of us should obey spoke volumes about the unfortunate path that he seemed to have chosen.

Since that time, Corapi seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. Indeed, many people who used to follow the work of his former ministry now have no idea what has happened to him. Like some of them, I too pray that he has come to obedience and that he has repented, returning to his religious community. Wherever he is, if he has not repented, I pray that he does so.

However, Corapi's apparent lack of repentance and his scandalous behavior do not negate the work of the Holy Spirit or lessen the power of the truths he was previously teaching, for we all have concupiscence. The decision by many folks to declare the entire Church corrupt based on the public actions of some smacks as much of a desire to find an excuse not to obey the Church as it does of any genuine personal scandal someone might feel about the actions of many priests and others in the Church who, like Father Corapi, fell into serious sin and shame. The reality is that we live in a culture that does not like obedience, especially if the power commanding our obedience is ultimately of Divine origin, which the Church is. The reality is that many Catholics want to call themselves Catholic but not bear the mark-and sometimes bear the cross-of obedience to the authority of the Church upon earth.

As an Aspirant who feels called to the deaconate, I have willingly placed myself within the Church's Divine authority in a very direct way. Those who are in formation for a vocation to the deaconate, the priesthood, or the religious life do this knowing that none of us are perfect, and that even our bishop is not perfect, but that, through the authority of the Church, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, he may tell us when and where, or even whether ever we may minister to others in the Church's name. My willingness to obey the Church is reflected not only in my developing call to the deaconate, but in an understanding that while the Church, including her leaders, are imperfect human beings, her authority comes from Christ, who gave her all power in Heaven and on Earth. All of us who are Catholics, whether laypeople or ordained, are called to accept the Church's teaching authority on faith and morals-she is mater et magister.

Those who know to do so and refuse to remind me of of the famous verse of scripture describing the errant children of Israel who refuse to accept Divine authority in Judges 21:25: 

In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes.