Fulfilling all things in Christ

I have returned from a wonderful weekend at deaconate formation. It was wonderful because we explored the topics of Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, and the parousia in great depth. I must admit that one of the books we had been required to read, Eschatology: Death and Eternal Life by a certain Joseph Ratzinger certainly got my wheels turning in ways that I didn't expect, and I had to confront some controversial ideas about the nature of the soul (ideas which I was at least somewhat familiar with, but which I was surprised to learn that our present Pope seriously wrestled with over the years), and some new-to-me theology and theological ideas about the nature of Heaven, and what Heaven is-even what we're going to be doing when we get to Heaven. I didn't find this to be a bad thing, I fully recognize that Aspirancy to the deaconate means that I am going to have to confront theological ideas which are unfamiliar to me, and I am going to have to learn either to accept or refute them as the appropriate case may be, and even (where the Church might say to) integrate them into the thinking side of my own faith and the way that I teach others. That doesn't mean, however, that everything is easy to swallow on the first take, and that is how I would describe some of the eschatological ideas we're learning about-things that will take time to digest.

We also had our first exam this afternoon. Now, let the reader understand, I do not think I failed the exam. However, there are times when you take an exam and you come away knowing that you didn't bomb it, but you also didn't do as well as you could have done, and that seems to have been the case with today's exam for me. Despite having written the answers in my notes about 30 minutes before the exam, I drew a blank on most of St. Thomas Aquinas' five ways to prove the existence of God...literally, my mind blanked out, I should have remembered more than just the Unmoved Mover. Later, while discussing the exam with another of my Brother Aspirants (this one from my own Deanery) on the way home, I figured out that I flowed on one of my essay answers with an idea which, while not completely incorrect, was also not right where the question at hand was concerned, so I expect to be called on the carpet for that. The essay isn't ruined, but it didn't say what it should have said-one of my statements in it was simply not correct. One of my Brothers was kind enough to pay me a compliment this weekend-he said that he wished that he were as well-read as I am and that he had the time to read. I responded to him that while I am well-read in some areas (as with most people, I am well-read in the topics I like and am familiar with), I am not well-read in others, it depends on the topic. Well, the experience of this exam has showed me that I need to read better, and reread content more, and if that means that in order to have time to do that I am going to have to read less non-formation or non-theological material during the process of formation, so be it-a deacon cannot teach or preach what he himself does not grasp, and so I need to commit myself to being better-prepared in the future. In addition to this I would ask for readers' continued prayers, because I continually need them.

Despite my difficulties with the exam, I would not have traded this weekend for anything in the world. Robert Feduccia (who leaves us clueless as to why he is not Deacon Robert!) didn't just blow my mind and everyone else's with his teaching about the Blessed Trinity and Heaven, but I came away with an even deeper love for Our Blessed Mother after this weekend. We had to read Redemtoris Mater for this class, but it was the discussion of the theological reasons, rooted in the Trinity, for our veneration of the Blessed Virgin Mary as Catholics that was the topic I just never wanted to quit on...I wanted more and more. Many of our Protestant Brothers and Sisters wouldn't ever consider denying the divinity of Christ, but do they do so in an implicit and unintentional way when they fail to accept Mary as the Mother of God? The Council of Ephesus said that Christ is God, and so Mary is truly the Mother of God.


Robert wrote this song with Sarah Hart which Oregon Catholic Press calls an Advent Hymn, but I think it is even deeper than that. It is about our hope in the parousia, in the Second Coming of Our Lord-it really touched me, because this is what the study of eschatology is really all about-the world is in darkness, but Christ will not only end that darkness and bring all things to completion, but He will unite us with Him for all eternity. I might grapple with what I am discovering about Heaven, but I came away from this weekend really wanting to go there.