A Roman Missal and two books of rites

This coming Friday begins a formation weekend for us, and this month our study will be on the Sacred Liturgy of the Church, and I've been waiting on this weekend for a long time because I truly love the liturgy, whether it is the Mass or the Liturgy of the Hours, I love liturgical worship with a passion, and I love the new translation of the Roman Missal, so you can imagine how thrilled that I was when we all got shiny new copies of the Missal last month to read the General Instruction On the Roman Missal and prepare for this month of instruction.

 We also received copies of the rites for Holy Communion Outside of Mass and the Rite of Baptism for Children, and we were assigned in advance to read the general instructions at the beginning of those rites books, in addition to the Catechism of the Catholic Church's sections on liturgy as well as some other readings given to us in a large and bulky binder that contains instruction and information that we'll need in the months and years ahead. I had been very pleased to have the Rite of Baptism for Children and the Rites of Holy Communion Outside of Mass, so you can imagine my surprise when, after reading the instructions in each rite book, only to find that the formulas and responses were in accordance with the old Missal which is no longer in effect. I asked my spiritual director about this, and he said that in the case of Communion Outside Mass, the rite book I have could still be useful, especially if I learn some of the "new responses" by heart. He pointed out that when visiting a nursing home or convalescent home for example, there are many people in those places who only truly know the liturgical rites as they were before the Liturgical Year 2012, and that it isn't unusual to find people who will respond with the so-called "old responses" by instinct in many cases. In those cases where people are aware of the new Missal, they may already know the new responses.


I hoped I would get years worth of use out of the liturgical texts, especially out of the baptism and Holy Communion books since those functions are especially important to the liturgical life of a deacon. I hope I still don't have to replace the latter two for many years-and I hope that if the Lord allows me to be ordained that my Roman Missal will be very well-worn indeed when I finally have to replace it. Pray for me this weekend and for my other Brother Aspirants, not only do we always need it, but I know that as you pray for me, I am also praying for you.

Reflection on the Baptism of the Lord

Luke 3:15-16, 21-22:

  The people were filled with expectation, and all were asking in their hearts whether John might be the Messiah. John answered them all, saying, “I am baptizing you with water, but one mightier than I is coming. I am not worthy to loosen the thongs of his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire."

 After all the people had been baptized and Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, heaven was opened and the holy Spirit descended upon him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”






Recently, I had the special pleasure of writing a piece for the Diocese of Knoxville's 25th Anniversary Jubilee website on the triple meaning of the Feast of the Epiphany. I'll leave you to visit the site and read for yourself to find out more (the link is in the text above), but the short version was that the Feast of the Epiphany had originally celebrated three important manifestations of God and of Christ's divinity. One was the Incarnation and Nativity of Our Lord, one was the Baptism of the Lord, and one was the Wedding Feast at Cana, where Jesus performed his first miracle of changing water into wine. Many Eastern Christians believe that the Baptism of the Lord was the real beginning of Christ's passion, because it was the beginning of Jesus' public ministry, and it was from that point that the entire trajectory of Jesus' life began to move slowly toward the Cross. It may be with this reality in mind that the Church both ends the Christmas season on this feast and begins what we call Ordinary Time-the majority of the Church year where we are really celebrating the teachings of Jesus in our worship, just as we reflect on the unique mysteries of his life that we celebrate at Christmas, Lent, Holy Week, and Easter time. Note that this year, there are exactly 30 days of Ordinary Time before Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.


Jesus' baptism was both an example for us as well as the beginning of his ministry. As Catholic Christians, it is our belief that Jesus Christ is both fully human and fully divine-completely God and completely man. That's not a mystery that I can begin to explain with due justice, but I will say that I believe that like all of us, Jesus in his human nature received a call from God at some point in his life. Some folks think this was when he was 12 years old and told his parents when they ran back to Jerusalem looking for him and found him in the Temple: "Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” (cf. Luke 2:49) There are also some people who think that the real beginning of his call happened on the day of his baptism when the Father's voice said "this is my beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased." (cf. Luke 3:22) That wouldn't be too different from the rest of us, because whether we were old enough to understand it or not, our call into the family of God began at our baptism. Since I was baptized as an adult, it wouldn't be unfair to say that if the Lord calls me to ordination, that that call-though known to God and intended by God before the foundation of the world-began when I first said yes to God, and when I asked the Church to baptize me. The call comes from God, but the choice to respond to that call rests with us-God is never going to force himself on us, because that would not be an act of love, and God is Love. We know that Jesus was tempted like us, but unlike us, he never sinned-he always chose the better part.


I have shared with you here in recent days that I have prayed and continue to pray that the Lord would give me a great increase in humility. I feel the call to the deaconate even stronger now than felt when I began formation, even as I understand that for me, this entire journey is one based on trust in God, because just as when I began formation, I know not what tomorrow shall bring. I learned that firsthand today. Nicole and I are experiencing some sudden car trouble. Thankfully, we'll be able to have the car fixed without much difficulty (it is an issue with the power steering), but it looks as though I may miss our deanery formation workshop as a result, since Saturday is the one day that we can take the car in to have the issue fixed that wouldn't wreak havoc on our regular daily schedule. When I first heard this, I was distraught-I have never missed a formation weekend or a workshop. I look forward to them with eagerness, and Nicole also expressed to me how disappointed she was that she wouldn't be able to attend-I miss my brother Aspirants when we are not learning together. As much as I was upset at this, nearly to the point of anger, I then stopped to reflect that I had been praying for an increase in humility, and that God often increases our humility through trials and sudden unforeseen difficulties, and I just felt led to say "thank you Lord." Even when things get rough, I have to learn to be thankful.

A reflection on diakonia via Law and Order

Nicole and I made the choice some time ago that we would not have cable television in our home, largely due to the fact that we got tired of having to pay for channels upon channels worth of spiritual, physical, social, and intellectual poison to come into our home just so that Nicole could watch her favorite cooking programs on the Food Network and I could watch football and baseball on ESPN. The internet allows us to acquire news just as we would with cable TV, and we can watch many of the same programs we like free via the internet. Most importantly of all, to me, is that we resist the temptation to spend all of our free time watching television when we can pray, read, cook, or otherwise enjoy one another's company. Indeed, I find that on most days I wouldn't have much time to watch television in the normal sense anyway. If I want to watch a football game, for example, I know the fire chief doesn't care if I go down to the fire hall to watch that game, and doing so usually means I have a chance to get some other work done aside from just watching sports.

We do have a few favorite television programs we watch via the internet by wiring the computer to the TV so that we can view them when we have the time to do so, as opposed to when they normally come on television. A favorite of Nicole's are the various incarnations of the Law and Order series. Since she happened to have the day off today,  earlier I watched an episode with her of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit which got us both talking and caused me some reflection. The basic plot was that a priest was returning to his "old neighborhood" at Christmastime, and the show began with the priest accepting a homemade Christmas card from a little girl, who turned out to be a young parishioner at a parish where this priest used to be assigned. All of a sudden, a group of boys comes up and bashes the window of the priest's car in and begins to beat the priest. Father is rescued by a homeless man who turns out to be on probation, and since few saw the initial attack, the first part of the episode is spent clearing the name of the homeless man since, when Father came to he confirmed that the man was not his assailant, as other witnesses had alleged, but had rescued him. As the plot evolved, it became clear that the person who was doing the beating was the brother of a girl that the priest had allegedly molested over a decade prior, and in order to formally clear the aforementioned homeless man, the priest was going to have to confirm in court that the homeless man didn't beat him, but that this young man did, and that he knew the young man-and of course it was going to come out how he knew him.

The episode ends with a priest who had been beaten nearly to death being the bad guy, the child molester, the pervert.

We would deceive ourselves not to admit openly that the Church has done its fair share to earn its "bad reputation" in this regard. For years, we know that there were bishops who covered for those who abused children. Often this was based on bad psychological or other advice, but it happened nonetheless. Further, in the Diocese of Knoxville we know the pain of having a very real sexual abuse victim come and call out his abuser, as well he should have. Thankfully, Bishop Stika wasted no time in removing that priest from ministry as soon as the truth was confirmed by the abuser himself.


Near the end of that Law and Order episode, Nicole looked at me and said "somehow, I knew it was going to go in a direction like this." I said "just once, I wish Hollywood would portray the priesthood in a positive light."

As we have known the shock and pain in the Diocese of Knoxville of how sexual abuse can corrupt ministry and do harm to children as well as the Church that seems irreparable, we've also known of at least one member of the clergy-a deacon-who was wrongly accused and who was cleared. I personally know of a religious priest who ministered in another diocese, and who I have known for many years now, who was also falsely accused of sexual abuse and was exonerated. Unfortunately, when this priest was exonerated, the news didn't make the front pages like an allegation of abuse would do...the false allegation will follow him for the rest of his life.


We have gone from one extreme to the other as a Church and as a society. Decades ago, we often put members of the clergy on an unrealistic and other-worldly pedestal, exalting them as somehow holier or better than the people they serve. Now, the bad apples have ruined the barrel, as it were, and we have gone to the other extreme-the clergy are mocked, scorned, portrayed as perverts or worse in the popular media. Many, if not the majority, of people who consume today's American popular media aren't Catholic. They don't know, as we do, that not only are most clergy not abusers of children but that when the scale of the sexual abuse scandal in the Church became known, so many holy clergy were absolutely horrified. 


What has become clear to me, though, is that Jesus' warning about those who proclaim his message being persecuted for the sake of his Name seems to be something that could be very real in America in the near future. I'm not under any illusion that life as a deacon will be a cup of good Irish Breakfast tea. I have often told my brother Aspirants (as well as Deacon Tim) that one of my favorite Scripture passages is Philippians 2:6:11, which is the normal canticle for First Vespers of Sunday "he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave (diakonia)." I sometimes may write here of the trials-the headaches, really-of formation...but that is a real part of the formation process. I have to learn how to empty myself, and take the form of diakonia.


UPDATE 11:50 pm: Nicole pointed out to me that the very end of that Law and Order episode I was talking about took place while I was letting the dogs out and that I didn't see the very end. Turns out the priest who was beaten was not the molestor-that person was the Monsignor he worked with and the beaten priest was the Monsignor's confessor. The little girl who gave the beaten priest a Christmas card was, it turns out, the man's daughter as the result of an affair. The latter priest was visiting and taking an interest in a little girl that he knew (but she did not know) to be his daughter.

Knowing that, I have to be fair to the show's producers in making this correction, and the sense of responsibility the priest felt for his daughter does give the end story some redeeming value. However, I still think the storyline reflects poorly on the priesthood, and I still think it a shame that there are so few shows that portray the priesthood positively. Remember Father Dowling Mysteries?  Just my thoughts...I do have to wonder, are there men out there that would respond to a call to priesthood if it were not for the extremely negative stigma now attached to it?

Human apprehension and reminders to trust and obey

As I posted on Saturday, I was truly given grace by this past weekend's formation class(es), and I thought that Father Michael Cummins showed us a living example of grace and humility in the spiritual life, an example to which we should all aspire, whether laity or clergy, aspirants, seminarians, or religious.


I did learn that later this week, those of us who are in the deaconate formation program will receive a list of potential assignments for summer service projects. A lot of these will be projects through Catholic Social Services, although we were told there would also be some other opportunities available. I had occasion yesterday to talk to one of my brother aspirants and we agreed that we are very eager to serve whoever, whatever, and however the Church might call us, since service is what the ministry of the deacon is about above all else...but as I shared with my brother in the Lord I am a little nervous for a very practical reason, and that is that whatever summer assignment I have must be something that is readily accessible to me. Since I don't drive, I have to rely on my wife very often to get me where I need to be in order to fulfill lots of responsibilities, and certainly church-related responsibilities that I have been called over the years to take on. Nicole is far from the only person who gives me this kind of assistance. As I have already written previously on this weblog, I could not attend deaconate formation with regularity in order to study with the required frequency of the formation process without the sincerely offered assistance of two of my Brother Aspirants, Steve Helmbrecht and Don Griffith. It is more than fair to say, however, that Nicole's help-usually behind the scenes and often without appearance or fanfare-has made my daily formation a reality. As a result, I do have a concern about how I will carry out my assignment, since Nicole can't do it all in terms of making sure that I can be everywhere I need to be-she also has a schedule and responsibilities of her own.

On the other hand, I must daily remind myself that whatever happens, absolutely none of this is about me, and the moment it becomes about me, it then becomes reasonable to question whether I am receiving a call from the Holy Spirit, or whether the call is of my own desire and volition. Were it to be the latter, I would not continue on my journey, since I believe the call to Holy Orders must come from the Holy Spirit, and that any desire on my own part to be ordained must exist because it is my desire to serve God and do his holy will.


So far, the Lord has provided for me as I have believed in faith that if being in formation and being ordained a deacon are truly God's will for my life, the Lord will continue to open doors as they are needed.

Prayer and spirituality

As I write this, I'm at our January formation weekend, and the focus for this weekend is prayer and spirituality. Our instructor and spiritual guide for the weekend is Father Michael Cummins, who also happens to be our diocesan vocations director. Those of you who are from Johnson City or who may have attended East Tennessee State University might be familiar with Father Michael, because he is also the campus minister at the Catholic Center at ETSU, and he has a big challenge-as he told us "I'm a staff of one."

I have a special place in my heart for campus ministry, because I was baptized as an adult in a campus ministry setting, and I know that Catholic campus ministries can be an island of spiritual serenity in a sea of secular doubt and social disorder on our campuses today. One of the things thus far which impresses me about Father Michael is that he has such a deep and abiding spirit of humility about his ministry. I have gotten to the point where I daily pray for an increase in humility, because it is something that I always struggle with. Thinking you are being more humble is one thing, but when I see the humility and the spirit of peace with which Father Michael teaches and carries out his ministry, I know that I still have some way to go in that department. In observing Father Michael, I see that this is a spirit that I want to further cultivate in my own life and ministry in the days, weeks, and months ahead, and I would ask for prayers from all reading this for a great increase in humility in service.


One of the things we've talked about thus far are the positives and negatives in the Church and society today, and how these various factors impact our prayer and spirituality. I've talked about the negatives quite a lot on this blog in recent weeks, but there are also lots of good things happening in the Church that can aid our prayer and spiritual life. One of these is that the development of new media communication, with all of its inherent social baggage, can also be a tremendous aid in the spread of the Gospel and in aiding the faith of people who are already living lives of faith in Jesus Christ, but they need resources made available to them in order to better apply that faith to their prayer life and to daily work and life in the world. New media makes this kind of ministry much more available to people who need it. In thinking about this, I am reminded that I started this blog to be a ministry, even though it admittedly also acts as a vehicle for me to journal a bit about my own formation and spiritual development. If you are blessed by what you find here, how can this blog better serve you?

A New Year's reflection on communio

On this New Year's Day, I have cause to look back on the year just past and say that it has been an eventful one, but that I have been blessed and fortunate. Today is both a Holy Day of obligation (unless the bishop has prorogued it, in which case I am not aware-it is listed in my Ordo as a Holy Day of Obligation this year) and the first day of the calendar year 2013. Hence, it is a good day to give thanks for the year just past as well a to think on the year to come.


Nicole and I drank in the New Year last night with a couple of glasses of champagne. I not only told her I loved her but also told her, as well as reminded myself, how thankful I am for her. She certainly has a lot to put up with out of me, but she has also been the one person I can go to more than anyone else to talk about my formation experience, talk about what I am feeling, how I see my call from the Holy Spirit and to talk about the things of God or ecclesiastical affairs as they might pertain to our formation or to the ministry I am called to carry out-now as an Aspirant, and (if the Lord is willing) in the future in the deaconate. Nicole has not been able to be at a formation weekend yet because her schedule really won't allow for that (we raise goats, and Nicole has horses...spring and summer is milking season, winter means the horses have no grass, and Nicole has to take hay to them on the weekends), but because I don't drive, when I have had to be at a deanery workshop or a church meeting, Nicole often makes time not only to take me, but to attend and participate herself. Indeed, it seems that the deanery workshops in our deanery, with our small group of three Aspirants and three wives, are known to be well-participated...all of our wives attend and pray with us at each workshop (and God knows we also eat well at these gatherings!). Nicole also prays with me every day-in fact, if I have prayed Vespers before she has an opportunity to join me, she becomes visibly irritated!


Truthfully, I could not move forward in formation or fulfill the Lord's plan for my vocation, whatever that might be, without Nicole's help and support. Bluntly put, it would be impossible for me to actively pursue formation to the permanent deaconate without her very active assistance. Sometimes that assistance may not appear openly to others, but it is always there. No one has helped me in the way that she has.

Secondly, but nearly as important, I never cease to be amazed at the support and encouragement I receive from my brother Aspirants. My classmates are a constant help to me, even though some of them may not realize it-I can feel their prayers. Furthermore, there are a number of them who have gone out of their way to insure that I can participate actively and get the most out of the theological education and spiritual formation that I am blessed to be receiving. If it weren't for Steve Helmbrecht and Don Griffith, who are my fellow classmates in our deanery, I wouldn't be able to make mandatory formation weekends, let alone be able to truly be spiritually and theologically formed. It is no exaggeration to say that doing this would be impossible without them, and that I have come to rely on them (Steve is at my house at 4:00 pm on formation Fridays like clockwork). Both of them were sent by the Lord to make my formation possible-I truly believe this. How I would make formation regularly was a real concern for Deacon Tim Elliott, our diocesan Director of Deacons-it was a concern for me too...but I told him that I believed that if it is truly God's will for me to be in formation for the deaconate, God would provide for me a way, and thus far through Steve and Don and their wonderful wives, he has done so.


I cannot stress enough the level of friendship and camaraderie that one feels with one's classmates in the process of formation. The Church calls this fellowship communio, and I've come to see how important it is when you are receiving the call of the Holy Spirit to devote your life to the Lord's work not only that you have this kind of relationship with your brothers, but that it be maintained. I also understand now-even more than I have before up to this point-what Deacon Bob Smearing meant when he told me that I would be amazed at just how close I became to my brothers in formation.


The kindness and consideration of my brothers does not cease to amaze me, whether it is that extra hand, or offer of help getting to my room after keeping vigil with some of them, or that word of prayer or touch of concern if something doesn't seem quite right. The front row regulars all now know how I take my coffee. Scott Maentz, whose blog is on my sidebar, not only ministers to all of us through his digital notes and audio recordings of our classes (which have saved me on more than one occasion), but  surprised me with a Christmas gift of Logos Verbum Bible Software. Scott has recommended this software to the other men for some time-now I see why. The digital library of more than 20 Bible translations and Catholic Bible commentaries, Greek dictionaries, concordances, maps, Ante-Nicene and Post-Nicene Church Fathers, conciliar documents, catechisms (including the Catechism of the Catholic Church), writings of saints, historical resources, encyclicals, and papal documents spanning centuries would cost thousands of dollars in print form. Since literally everything is cross-linked and cross-referenced, a resource like this is invaluable not just for future class research, but has all that is needed for years worth of biblical and ecclesiastical study, teaching, homily writing, and preaching. If Logos stays in business (meaning that I'll continue to be able to download the updates as they come in), I may never have to buy another Bible commentary again, because if some new important item comes out, Logos will probably add it to their basic collection.


I wasn't expecting Scott's incredible gift, so I was truly humbled that one of my brothers would think of me in this way-and yes, so far I recommend the software too, and I think it is a whole lot cheaper than the money you'll spend building a similar print library.


The year 2012 was a trying year, but we were blessed in so many ways-I am praying that the Lord continues to bless me, undeserving servant that I am, in continued discernment. Thank you, people who have been praying for me...I have felt your prayers every day/