I did learn that later this week, those of us who are in the deaconate formation program will receive a list of potential assignments for summer service projects. A lot of these will be projects through Catholic Social Services, although we were told there would also be some other opportunities available. I had occasion yesterday to talk to one of my brother aspirants and we agreed that we are very eager to serve whoever, whatever, and however the Church might call us, since service is what the ministry of the deacon is about above all else...but as I shared with my brother in the Lord I am a little nervous for a very practical reason, and that is that whatever summer assignment I have must be something that is readily accessible to me. Since I don't drive, I have to rely on my wife very often to get me where I need to be in order to fulfill lots of responsibilities, and certainly church-related responsibilities that I have been called over the years to take on. Nicole is far from the only person who gives me this kind of assistance. As I have already written previously on this weblog, I could not attend deaconate formation with regularity in order to study with the required frequency of the formation process without the sincerely offered assistance of two of my Brother Aspirants, Steve Helmbrecht and Don Griffith. It is more than fair to say, however, that Nicole's help-usually behind the scenes and often without appearance or fanfare-has made my daily formation a reality. As a result, I do have a concern about how I will carry out my assignment, since Nicole can't do it all in terms of making sure that I can be everywhere I need to be-she also has a schedule and responsibilities of her own.
On the other hand, I must daily remind myself that whatever happens, absolutely none of this is about me, and the moment it becomes about me, it then becomes reasonable to question whether I am receiving a call from the Holy Spirit, or whether the call is of my own desire and volition. Were it to be the latter, I would not continue on my journey, since I believe the call to Holy Orders must come from the Holy Spirit, and that any desire on my own part to be ordained must exist because it is my desire to serve God and do his holy will.
So far, the Lord has provided for me as I have believed in faith that if being in formation and being ordained a deacon are truly God's will for my life, the Lord will continue to open doors as they are needed.
I find that, when we have several cloudy days in a row, I am not as optimistic as I usually am. I try to overcome it, with both faith and intellect, and it still doesn't really get better until the sun comes back out for a day or two. Maybe things will look better for you when the sun returns, here in East Tennessee.
ReplyDeletePractically speaking, I just keep wondering if the good people in your parish were made aware of your deep desire to be a deacon and of your need for one of those cars which can be driven with hands only, maybe they would pitch in and buy you one.
I know Deacon Tim Elliott to be a very kind and reasonable man, and I cannot believe for one minute that he would let you go through all this work of formation and then give you a summer assignment which you could not do. Quite the contrary, I would expect that he would design a summer assignment especially for you, which you would have no problem in completing.
Maybe you could simply call him or e-mail him and let him know what your needs and fears are. Surely a person of his great responsibility and position within our diocese would meet your questions with great love and understanding. Surely he could reassure you, even this early, that he would find a way of working something out, regarding your summer assignment.
I have this little prayer I say, when I am a little scared, and on cloudy days, and on nights when I cannot seem to go to sleep.
I pray the prayer, "Jesus, I trust in you."
I agree completely with your assessment of Deacon Tim. Indeed, he has not only been kind and understanding to me, I know that he accepted me into the program with great concerns about how I would get to formation and, I am certain, how I would carry out what was expected of me. I remember telling him that I didn't have these concerns any less than he did, but that I believed then, as I do now, that if this is really the way in which the Lord wants for me to serve him, the Lord will make a way for it to happen. So far, the Lord has, through the cooperation of many of my brothers including Deacon Tim, done this to my wondrous and thankful amazement. I am extremely grateful.
ReplyDeleteThe apprehension is only my human weakness, I suppose (which I have much of, as you can probably discover by reading some of the other replies here). God has truly blessed me over the years, and it has taken some reflection on my part.
As far as my parish, firstly, and about driving, secondly: I have chosen to share my formation journey on this blog because I truly felt called to do this, but I am also not under the illusion that it has currently has a massive readership-I can certainly count the blog's web stats and see for myself. Quite a few of my brother Knights of Columbus know I am in deaconate formation, my pastor and associate pastor (who is also my spiritual director) know, our Deacon and RCIA team know (since I am on the RCIA team, it is hard to avoid...and I am sure the parish secretary knows, since I have to call her to book the room for our deanery formation meetings. Other than that, I'm sure many in the parish don't know. That is because I have largely kept Deacon Tim's admonition not to go around broadcasting it to anyone and everyone just yet until we reach candidacy. I am sure that, by God's grace, if I am made a candidate for ordination many more will come to know.
I got an idea that many in the parish don't know based on the fact that my wife was at Mass without me when we were having formation a couple of months ago, and a lady she works with who also is a member at our parish asked "where's David," and of course Nicole told her..."Wow, is he going to be a deacon?" "He might be," she said (which is the right answer). This person was totally unaware...I think a lot of folks are. The people who ask me how formation is going are the very people who I have had reason to tell.
Car: It was by my own choice made many years ago that I do not drive-this was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever in my life made, because as Nicole will tell you, I am fiercely independent-much, sometimes, to her chagrin. I made such a choice because I knew that my reaction time just is not as quick as some others. I know a few people who have cerebral palsy, as I do, who are what might be called more severe cases, but who have great reaction time. I know some others less severe than I, but not so good reaction time. I had to make a judgment about my own, which isn't the best...sort of...tolerable. Not good enough in my mind for me to risk putting other lives at risk because I was half-a-second slower than the person in front of me.
"Jesus I Trust in You." It is part of the legacy of St. Faustina and the Divine Mercy devotion. It has become a little prayer that I recite every day too, usually when I am frustrated with how something is going. I do trust in him...I hope with sincerity that I can learn that trust to such a great extent to simply not be too concerned when situations such as the one above (and many others, both in formation and daily life) arises...to trust in his provision and providential care.