Nicole and I drank in the New Year last night with a couple of glasses of champagne. I not only told her I loved her but also told her, as well as reminded myself, how thankful I am for her. She certainly has a lot to put up with out of me, but she has also been the one person I can go to more than anyone else to talk about my formation experience, talk about what I am feeling, how I see my call from the Holy Spirit and to talk about the things of God or ecclesiastical affairs as they might pertain to our formation or to the ministry I am called to carry out-now as an Aspirant, and (if the Lord is willing) in the future in the deaconate. Nicole has not been able to be at a formation weekend yet because her schedule really won't allow for that (we raise goats, and Nicole has horses...spring and summer is milking season, winter means the horses have no grass, and Nicole has to take hay to them on the weekends), but because I don't drive, when I have had to be at a deanery workshop or a church meeting, Nicole often makes time not only to take me, but to attend and participate herself. Indeed, it seems that the deanery workshops in our deanery, with our small group of three Aspirants and three wives, are known to be well-participated...all of our wives attend and pray with us at each workshop (and God knows we also eat well at these gatherings!). Nicole also prays with me every day-in fact, if I have prayed Vespers before she has an opportunity to join me, she becomes visibly irritated!
Truthfully, I could not move forward in formation or fulfill the Lord's plan for my vocation, whatever that might be, without Nicole's help and support. Bluntly put, it would be impossible for me to actively pursue formation to the permanent deaconate without her very active assistance. Sometimes that assistance may not appear openly to others, but it is always there. No one has helped me in the way that she has.
Secondly, but nearly as important, I never cease to be amazed at the support and encouragement I receive from my brother Aspirants. My classmates are a constant help to me, even though some of them may not realize it-I can feel their prayers. Furthermore, there are a number of them who have gone out of their way to insure that I can participate actively and get the most out of the theological education and spiritual formation that I am blessed to be receiving. If it weren't for Steve Helmbrecht and Don Griffith, who are my fellow classmates in our deanery, I wouldn't be able to make mandatory formation weekends, let alone be able to truly be spiritually and theologically formed. It is no exaggeration to say that doing this would be impossible without them, and that I have come to rely on them (Steve is at my house at 4:00 pm on formation Fridays like clockwork). Both of them were sent by the Lord to make my formation possible-I truly believe this. How I would make formation regularly was a real concern for Deacon Tim Elliott, our diocesan Director of Deacons-it was a concern for me too...but I told him that I believed that if it is truly God's will for me to be in formation for the deaconate, God would provide for me a way, and thus far through Steve and Don and their wonderful wives, he has done so.
I cannot stress enough the level of friendship and camaraderie that one feels with one's classmates in the process of formation. The Church calls this fellowship communio, and I've come to see how important it is when you are receiving the call of the Holy Spirit to devote your life to the Lord's work not only that you have this kind of relationship with your brothers, but that it be maintained. I also understand now-even more than I have before up to this point-what Deacon Bob Smearing meant when he told me that I would be amazed at just how close I became to my brothers in formation.
The kindness and consideration of my brothers does not cease to amaze me, whether it is that extra hand, or offer of help getting to my room after keeping vigil with some of them, or that word of prayer or touch of concern if something doesn't seem quite right. The front row regulars all now know how I take my coffee. Scott Maentz, whose blog is on my sidebar, not only ministers to all of us through his digital notes and audio recordings of our classes (which have saved me on more than one occasion), but surprised me with a Christmas gift of Logos Verbum Bible Software. Scott has recommended this software to the other men for some time-now I see why. The digital library of more than 20 Bible translations and Catholic Bible commentaries, Greek dictionaries, concordances, maps, Ante-Nicene and Post-Nicene Church Fathers, conciliar documents, catechisms (including the Catechism of the Catholic Church), writings of saints, historical resources, encyclicals, and papal documents spanning centuries would cost thousands of dollars in print form. Since literally everything is cross-linked and cross-referenced, a resource like this is invaluable not just for future class research, but has all that is needed for years worth of biblical and ecclesiastical study, teaching, homily writing, and preaching. If Logos stays in business (meaning that I'll continue to be able to download the updates as they come in), I may never have to buy another Bible commentary again, because if some new important item comes out, Logos will probably add it to their basic collection.
I wasn't expecting Scott's incredible gift, so I was truly humbled that one of my brothers would think of me in this way-and yes, so far I recommend the software too, and I think it is a whole lot cheaper than the money you'll spend building a similar print library.
The year 2012 was a trying year, but we were blessed in so many ways-I am praying that the Lord continues to bless me, undeserving servant that I am, in continued discernment. Thank you, people who have been praying for me...I have felt your prayers every day/
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