Man of the Church

It has admittedly been quite some time since I have posted here at Operarius, largely because my summer work has taken me to the Diocese of Knoxville's official blog Life At 25, which has meant that I have had less time to post here. However, it is worth noting that as our diocesan Eucharistic Congress approaches this coming weekend, so does the Rite of Candidacy that will "officially" make me a candidate for ordination. That Rite will happen on October 12th, God willing.

If there is one thing that I have learned over the past few months, it is that some people are slowly starting to notice that there have been a lot of changes in the way that I do things. My daily Examiner column has taken on far more religious content and far less political content. It isn't that I have lost interest in the political world (that is what my degree is in, after all, so I have an abiding personal interest in, and a certain enjoyment of, politics), but there is a genuine realization that now, my personal views could be wrongly taken for the views of the Church at large.

"Now Oatney," you may say, "that is silly. Why on earth would anyone take your opinion for the point of view of the diocese, or the bishops' conference, or the Church as a whole." There are some well-meaning people out there who do not necessarily grasp how the Church functions internally as a body, and so the opinions of one small potato can be blown into the official Yukon Gold Source of Truth. That doesn't mean I'm not entitled to my opinion, but it does mean that I must be increasingly more careful about when and how it is expressed. I should point out that, at least to some degree, I have learned this reality "the hard way."

I don't say all that with a sense of trepidation, lest anyone think that might be the case, but instead with an understanding that my journey of formation is about to enter a new phase. Candidacy means that the Church will recognize publicly, for the first time, that there is a strong possibility that I may be ordained. It means that I will be a "man of the Church," and may be seen as such by some already.

Perhaps most important of all, though, I see a change in myself, one that I believe comes from the Holy Spirit. I am increasingly comfortable that the Holy Spirit has placed me where I now find myself, and even though I don't yet know what ministries I will have if I am ordained, I am confident that if the Lord allows me to be ordained, that he will give me the gifts that I need to carry out what I am called to do, if he hasn't already.

Most of all, though, myself and the men of our formation class need your prayers. Remember us as you remember your pastor, and all the clergy. I know that so many of my brother Aspirants are thankful for all the prayers they can get. I know that I am.

A project blessing and charity

Well, we had a very good (if very "loaded") series of formation classes with Dr. Sherri Brown on the synoptic Gospels, and I had my long-awaited meeting with Deacon Tim Elliott and Deacon Jim Lawson. At first, I was quite nervous and I didn't know what to expect, although in hindsight, the meeting itself wasn't much to be worried about.

As everyone knows who reads this blog, I have been concerned for some time to find a summer project that would fulfill the 30 hours of service which is being asked for by the bishop. I am grateful to God that a project has been given to me, and while I don't know if that project will fulfill a full 30 hours, I know it will fulfill a good chunk of it considering how long it takes me to research and write a good post. I have been asked to be the primary (certainly not the only) blogger for a few months on the Diocese of Knoxville's blog dedicated to our 25th Anniversary, Life at 25. (You can see my first two posts in that assignment here and here). I asked Deacon Tim if I could use the time that I put into Life at 25 as a summer project, and he said that he would accept that. I am thrilled to have the assignment, but I also know that in this case, my strength is my weakness, because I have taken on a project that is all about the use of words, long an admitted strength.

As Deacon Tim has very rightly pointed out to me, however, the "third leg" of the mission of the diaconate is charity, and he made it rather clear, I think, that the ability to render charity in some form is something that he is looking for, and he should-one of the things we are reminded of in the Ordination Rite is that we are to be conformed to Christ, who came not to be served, but to serve. Hence, I am actively looking for a way to render some charity, and not merely because it is being asked of me, but because I know that as a deacon, it will be an integral part of my ministry and I want to reflect Christ's love to as many people as I can.



I am hoping that my writing this summer will bless a lot of people, and that the Lord might give me another opportunity to give people who need it a blessing also.

Projects and praise

The time has come to begin searching in earnest for our summer service projects for formation. I am still unsure exactly what my summer service will entail. Deacon Tim Elliott, who is our Director of Deacons and Deaconate Formation, has e-mailed us a list of suggested places that we might go to minister, but I thought the list for our deanery was a bit thin. The good news is that we don't have to follow that list, we are at liberty to find our own service project, but we have to verify that we've done the good works we set out to do by writing Deacon Tim a one-page summary of our work and the contact information of the person or people who can verify that we did what we have said we would do, and for the amount of time that we are pledged to do it. That is neither an unreasonable request, nor is it undoable once I do find something.

At this point, I still have no idea what my summer service project will be, but I am open to suggestions and I am going to operate under the assumption that if it is something radically different that I might need to clear it with Deacon Tim or with the bishop, even though I have been told in an e-mail that we do not necessarily have to clear our projects beforehand. I'd certainly feel more comfortable doing so in order to make certain that whatever I find (or come up with) meets the intentions that Deacon Tim and Bishop Stika have set out for a proper service requirement, not just a case of "I like this, so I think I will do it." Nicole suggested that it may be possible to find something to do at Daily Bread, which is an ecumenical ministry in Morristown that feeds hungry people-anyone who comes-every day. Many area churches serve there, including our own parish. My spiritual director has suggested that I might consider offering some classes of supplemental instruction at the parish over the summer on topics such as different forms of prayer, the liturgy, or the Eucharist after I expressed a concern to him about some of our RCIA neophytes being "left hanging" a bit (not on purpose, mind you, they just kept right on coming!). I couldn't help but notice that this year, unlike what I have often observed in previous years, we didn't see much of a drop-off in attendance after Easter. Most of our new Catholics stayed with us right up to the very end. To me, this indicated a spiritual hunger and interest, so I might like to try and address some of that (of course, were I to offer these informational sessions, they'd be open to all, not just former RCIA participants). Father Joseph would have to approve of that project, too...

I am also actively seeking to assist the parish in new ways. There are a couple of committee positions on the parish council at St. Pat's that I have a genuine interest in. One is spiritual life, and the other is parish life. Since prayer and spirituality are what I would call a strength of mine (albeit a developing strength), perhaps I can also be of service in this way. A ministry of prayer and the teaching and spreading of prayer to others is one that I would hope to have if I am-God willing-ordained.

Even though I am still perplexed about what my summer project might be, I have decided to take the advice of a commenter to this blog back in January when I first expressed honest concern and some apprehension about what my summer project might be. Everything about my formation up to this point I have entrusted to Jesus through Mary, and I have told the Lord that I trust in him to provide what I need, and he has so far done that through the wonderful and prayerful support of my brother Aspirants, in a unique way through Steve Helmbrecht and Don Griffith, who have been generous to provide me a ride to formation each month, and have therefore had to put up with me! The Lord sent them to answer my prayer that if this was the Lord's will, the Lord would provide a way. 

I am going to approach my summer project with the same spirit and with that prayer brought to us by St. Faustina: "Jesus I trust in you." It is our bishop's episcopal motto (Iesu Confido in Te) and it has become my personal prayer throughout my formation process...and so I trust in Jesus to show me the way in summer service the way he has shown me the way in everything else.

And I am going to praise God for his goodness to me in allowing me to be formed in this way. In that spirit, here is another of my favorite Taize hymns.

If you don't know the Latin, it roughly translates:

Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!
All Nations, Alleluia!


Finally, pray for me. This coming weekend is our formation weekend, and on Saturday I am scheduled to meet with Deacon Tim, Deacon Jim Lawson, and <??????> to answer whatever questions they may have about where I am in my call, to submit my canonical impediments form, and to receive instructions on how to formally request candidacy from the bishop. Nicole will also have to join me in this request.

Here I am Lord, send me

I just returned yesterday from another wonderful weekend (and they are wonderful) with my Brother Aspirants as we continued our journey through the epistles of St. Paul with Father Andreas Hoeck, who is Dean of Faculty at St. John Vianny Seminary in the Archdiocese of Denver, and he's also charge of deacon formation in that archdiocese. In such a short time, we have all come to love Father Andreas and we are looking forward to having him back next year to teach us more about the Johannine literature in Sacred Scripture. Several of us also think that Father Andreas would be a fine retreat master, but I am most impressed with his humility and obvious holiness. His prayerful way of teaching the faith is an example to all of us.

Over the course of the weekend, we learned a few details in discussions outside of class about a reshuffle in priestly assignments that is about to take place in the Diocese of Knoxville. These transfers will mean that a few of my brothers may have to find new spiritual directors, for example, since their current one either will be or may be moved to a location that will not make it practical to continue regular direction. Some of us have grown used to having Father Christian Mathis nearby at St. Thomas the Apostle in Lenoir City when we are on formation weekends, since Father Christian sometimes says Mass for us on occasions when we do not have a priest instructor, as we have our formation sessions within the geographical boundaries of that parish. From time to time we have been known to attend Mass at St. Thomas the Apostle as a group, but we learned that Father Christian will be moving to a new assignment as the Campus Minister at East Tennessee State University, while Father Michael Cummins, who currently holds that assignment and who serves as spiritual director for one of my brother aspirants in our own deanery, will be serving (we are told) as Chaplain at Notre Dame High School in Chattanooga. The clerical "shuffling" is causing some minor discomfort among some of my brothers as they will have to make adjustments in the process of their own formation. Several priests will experience reassignment in our diocese, and not a few deacons, aspirants, and laity might ask "why us and why now."

The reassignment of priests, and even of deacons from time to time, is a fact of ecclesiastical life. Learning that the reality of reassignment will impact several of our precious priests and the people of God in the parishes and ministries in which they are presently serving has caused me to reflect on the very nature of the Sacrament of Holy Orders, whether as a deacon, priest, or bishop.



When a man has answered God's call to serve the Church through the Sacrament of Holy Orders, he answers the same question from God that the Prophet Isaiah did, and when the bishop ordains a man who has answered that call, the bishop is affirming that the Church believes that the man who is asking to be ordained has given the same answer to the Lord that Isaiah gave him in Isaiah 6:5-8:

And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!”Then flew one of the seraphim to me, having in his hand a burning coal which he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth, and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin forgiven.” And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Those who answer the call to Holy Orders are truly sent. This is true whether the man in question is a deacon who is ordained and sent to minister in his own parish (or in a parish or ministry he was not expecting), a priest sent to a parish or a mission far from home, a bishop sent to a mission diocese in some far-flung and isolated place, or Jorge Bergoglio being called to Rome for a conclave and never coming home again, not as the Archbishop of Buenos Aries.

When someone submits themselves in a spirit of prayerful obedience to God's will and they accept a life of service to the Church as a large part of that will, they are accepting a certain reality that in embracing God's call to ordained life, a man's life is truly not his own any longer. For a priest, that means that he should live his life in radical imitation of Christ. He has no bride except for the Church, and he goes where he is needed-where he is sent. That sometimes means leaving communities of faith and ministries  that he has grown to truly love to take up new ones where he is needed.

Deacons also have a similar sense that their lives are no longer led at their whim. Those of us who are aspirants for the deaconate know that if we are ordained, our assignment or assignments are at the bishop's discretion. We have faith that he will place us in positions that are both good for the people of God and for ourselves. Unlike priests, most deacons have what we sometimes call "one foot" in the secular world, with secular jobs, businesses, interests, or engagements in addition to our ministry...but those secular things are what we do, being a deacon will be who we are. I have noticed in myself that since I began formation in the fall of 2011, I have changed a great deal. The things that are most important to me on a daily basis have changed, the things that most matter have changed, and the things that I most desire to spend my time engaged in...those things have all changed, in some cases dramatically. Needless to say, I have no regrets about these changes, because I think God is adjusting my life to where it needs to be in order to serve him more fully. My wife was among the first people to encourage me in my own call, and that remains the case. There is a realism on my part that if ordained, I will go where I am sent. I will accept the ministry I am given, no matter how tiny and insignificant it might be.

Both Nicole and I know that if I am ordained, I will truly be "the husband of one wife" (1 Timothy 3:12)-that if anything should happen to her and I am still alive, I will never marry again. Not only is it the strict requirement of canon law, but it is a part of the charism of an ordained man that he has pledged the rest of his life to God's service. Most permanent deacons are in a unique position in that we are already married when we come before the bishop for that laying on of hands, and our wives, well, they have to agree to all of this, because if they don't, we won't be ordained.

Deacons, priests, and bishops have pledged a life of service to God, but the people of God have to cooperate in that service. That can be hard when the time comes for God to call that ordained person to their next assignment in ministry, it isn't easy to let go of a beloved pastor, minister, spiritual guide, and friend. However, a priest, a deacon, a bishop does not belong only to us, but to the whole Church, which belongs to Christ, her Divine Spouse. We all must share the gifts that we have in order that the whole Church may benefit, more souls may be added to God's Kingdom, and we might reach heaven having done all that we could to help the Church in this divine mandate.

It means that sometimes ministries will change as needs arise, but the goal of the Church remains the same. We are here to bring the Kingdom of God more fully to fruition, even if it means sacrificing for the sake of that Kingdom

Friday of the Passion of the Lord

John 18:1-19:42:

Jesus went out with his disciples across the Kidron valley
to where there was a garden,
into which he and his disciples entered.
Judas his betrayer also knew the place,
because Jesus had often met there with his disciples.
So Judas got a band of soldiers and guards
from the chief priests and the Pharisees
and went there with lanterns, torches, and weapons.
Jesus, knowing everything that was going to happen to him,
went out and said to them, "Whom are you looking for?"
They answered him, "Jesus the Nazorean."
He said to them, "I AM."
Judas his betrayer was also with them.
When he said to them, "I AM, "
they turned away and fell to the ground.
So he again asked them,
"Whom are you looking for?"
They said, "Jesus the Nazorean."
Jesus answered,
"I told you that I AM.
So if you are looking for me, let these men go."
This was to fulfill what he had said,
"I have not lost any of those you gave me."
Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it,
struck the high priest's slave, and cut off his right ear.
The slave's name was Malchus.
Jesus said to Peter,
"Put your sword into its scabbard.
Shall I not drink the cup that the Father gave me?"

So the band of soldiers, the tribune, and the Jewish guards seized Jesus,
bound him, and brought him to Annas first.
He was the father-in-law of Caiaphas,
who was high priest that year.
It was Caiaphas who had counseled the Jews
that it was better that one man should die rather than the people.

Simon Peter and another disciple followed Jesus.
Now the other disciple was known to the high priest,
and he entered the courtyard of the high priest with Jesus.
But Peter stood at the gate outside.
So the other disciple, the acquaintance of the high priest,
went out and spoke to the gatekeeper and brought Peter in.
Then the maid who was the gatekeeper said to Peter,
"You are not one of this man's disciples, are you?"
He said, "I am not."
Now the slaves and the guards were standing around a charcoal fire
that they had made, because it was cold,
and were warming themselves.
Peter was also standing there keeping warm.

The high priest questioned Jesus
about his disciples and about his doctrine.
Jesus answered him,
"I have spoken publicly to the world.
I have always taught in a synagogue
or in the temple area where all the Jews gather,
and in secret I have said nothing. Why ask me?
Ask those who heard me what I said to them.
They know what I said."
When he had said this,
one of the temple guards standing there struck Jesus and said,
"Is this the way you answer the high priest?"
Jesus answered him,
"If I have spoken wrongly, testify to the wrong;
but if I have spoken rightly, why do you strike me?"
Then Annas sent him bound to Caiaphas the high priest.

Now Simon Peter was standing there keeping warm.
And they said to him,
"You are not one of his disciples, are you?"
He denied it and said,
"I am not."
One of the slaves of the high priest,
a relative of the one whose ear Peter had cut off, said,
"Didn't I see you in the garden with him?"
Again Peter denied it.
And immediately the cock crowed.

Then they brought Jesus from Caiaphas to the praetorium.
It was morning.
And they themselves did not enter the praetorium,
in order not to be defiled so that they could eat the Passover.
So Pilate came out to them and said,
"What charge do you bring against this man?"
They answered and said to him,
"If he were not a criminal,
we would not have handed him over to you."
At this, Pilate said to them,
"Take him yourselves, and judge him according to your law."
The Jews answered him,
"We do not have the right to execute anyone, "
in order that the word of Jesus might be fulfilled
that he said indicating the kind of death he would die.
So Pilate went back into the praetorium
and summoned Jesus and said to him,
"Are you the King of the Jews?"
Jesus answered,
"Do you say this on your own
or have others told you about me?"
Pilate answered,
"I am not a Jew, am I?
Your own nation and the chief priests handed you over to me.
What have you done?"
Jesus answered,
"My kingdom does not belong to this world.
If my kingdom did belong to this world,
my attendants would be fighting
to keep me from being handed over to the Jews.
But as it is, my kingdom is not here."
So Pilate said to him,
"Then you are a king?"
Jesus answered,
"You say I am a king.
For this I was born and for this I came into the world,
to testify to the truth.
Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice."
Pilate said to him, "What is truth?"

When he had said this,
he again went out to the Jews and said to them,
"I find no guilt in him.
But you have a custom that I release one prisoner to you at Passover.
Do you want me to release to you the King of the Jews?"
They cried out again,
"Not this one but Barabbas!"
Now Barabbas was a revolutionary.

Then Pilate took Jesus and had him scourged.
And the soldiers wove a crown out of thorns and placed it on his head,
and clothed him in a purple cloak,
and they came to him and said,
"Hail, King of the Jews!"
And they struck him repeatedly.
Once more Pilate went out and said to them,
"Look, I am bringing him out to you,
so that you may know that I find no guilt in him."
So Jesus came out,
wearing the crown of thorns and the purple cloak.
And he said to them, "Behold, the man!"
When the chief priests and the guards saw him they cried out,
"Crucify him, crucify him!"
Pilate said to them,
"Take him yourselves and crucify him.
I find no guilt in him."
The Jews answered,
"We have a law, and according to that law he ought to die,
because he made himself the Son of God."
Now when Pilate heard this statement,
he became even more afraid,
and went back into the praetorium and said to Jesus,
"Where are you from?"
Jesus did not answer him.
So Pilate said to him,
"Do you not speak to me?
Do you not know that I have power to release you
and I have power to crucify you?"
Jesus answered him,
"You would have no power over me
if it had not been given to you from above.
For this reason the one who handed me over to you
has the greater sin."
Consequently, Pilate tried to release him; but the Jews cried out,
"If you release him, you are not a Friend of Caesar.
Everyone who makes himself a king opposes Caesar."

When Pilate heard these words he brought Jesus out
and seated him on the judge's bench
in the place called Stone Pavement, in Hebrew, Gabbatha.
It was preparation day for Passover, and it was about noon.
And he said to the Jews,
"Behold, your king!"
They cried out,
"Take him away, take him away! Crucify him!"
Pilate said to them,
"Shall I crucify your king?"
The chief priests answered,
"We have no king but Caesar."
Then he handed him over to them to be crucified.

So they took Jesus, and, carrying the cross himself,
he went out to what is called the Place of the Skull,
in Hebrew, Golgotha.
There they crucified him, and with him two others,
one on either side, with Jesus in the middle.
Pilate also had an inscription written and put on the cross.
It read,
"Jesus the Nazorean, the King of the Jews."
Now many of the Jews read this inscription,
because the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city;
and it was written in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek.
So the chief priests of the Jews said to Pilate,
"Do not write 'The King of the Jews,'
but that he said, 'I am the King of the Jews'."
Pilate answered,
"What I have written, I have written."

When the soldiers had crucified Jesus,
they took his clothes and divided them into four shares,
a share for each soldier.
They also took his tunic, but the tunic was seamless,
woven in one piece from the top down.
So they said to one another,
"Let's not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it will be, "
in order that the passage of Scripture might be fulfilled that says:
They divided my garments among them,
and for my vesture they cast lots.
This is what the soldiers did.
Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother
and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas,
and Mary of Magdala.
When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved
he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son."
Then he said to the disciple,
"Behold, your mother."
And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.

After this, aware that everything was now finished,
in order that the Scripture might be fulfilled,
Jesus said, "I thirst."
There was a vessel filled with common wine.
So they put a sponge soaked in wine on a sprig of hyssop
and put it up to his mouth.
When Jesus had taken the wine, he said,
"It is finished."
And bowing his head, he handed over the spirit.

Now since it was preparation day,
in order that the bodies might not remain on the cross on the sabbath,
for the sabbath day of that week was a solemn one,
the Jews asked Pilate that their legs be broken
and that they be taken down.
So the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first
and then of the other one who was crucified with Jesus.
But when they came to Jesus and saw that he was already dead,
they did not break his legs,
but one soldier thrust his lance into his side,
and immediately blood and water flowed out.
An eyewitness has testified, and his testimony is true;
he knows that he is speaking the truth,
so that you also may come to believe.
For this happened so that the Scripture passage might be fulfilled:
Not a bone of it will be broken.
And again another passage says:
They will look upon him whom they have pierced.

After this, Joseph of Arimathea,
secretly a disciple of Jesus for fear of the Jews,
asked Pilate if he could remove the body of Jesus.
And Pilate permitted it.
So he came and took his body.
Nicodemus, the one who had first come to him at night,
also came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes
weighing about one hundred pounds.
They took the body of Jesus
and bound it with burial cloths along with the spices,
according to the Jewish burial custom.
Now in the place where he had been crucified there was a garden,
and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had yet been buried.
So they laid Jesus there because of the Jewish preparation day;
for the tomb was close by.







The above is the 2011 Liturgy of the Lord's Passion from the Cathedral of the Holy Cross in the Archdiocese of Boston. The kind people at Catholic TV have seen fit to make it available for wider consumption, and I thought I'd post it here for the benefit of all who read this blog, but especially those whose hearts and minds may be in a church today, even if their bodies cannot be. Sean Cardinal O'Malley is the celebrant.



Finally, one of the great sorrowful hymns of Good Friday...O Sacred Head Surrounded.

New Catholics will need hellos and examples of holiness

Those of you who celebrated Morning Lauds this morning sang or chanted the 42nd Psalm as the first chant, a psalm which has opening words in verses one and two that may be familiar to many Catholics, and certainly set me in a Holy Week mindset. The Grail translation, which is generally what is used in the English-speaking world for the psalter in the Liturgy of the Hours, renders Psalm 42:1-2 in this way:

Like the deer that yearns for running streams, so my soul is yearning for you, my God.

My soul is thirsting for God, the God of my life; when can I enter and see the face of God?

Although this psalm repeats in the four-week psalter at various times throughout the year, it is always to be found at Lauds on Monday morning of Holy Week. Another time you might hear these words is at the Easter Vigil Mass during baptisms of catechumens or on Easter Sunday morning if anyone is baptized at that time. Reciting these words this morning reminded me in a very real way that while the entire Church is invited to join Christ in ascending the mount of Calvary this week and in waiting and celebrating at the Empty Tomb, catechumens and candidates for full communion with the Holy Catholic Church are waiting with anticipation for the opportunity to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. Throughout Lent, we've prayed for catechumens and candidates, and I've had the opportunity-as I do each year-to assist in the formation of catechumens who will be baptized and candidates for full communion-I know how much they are looking forward to becoming a part of the Church at the weekend.





I can also speak with some experience about the excitement many of them feel knowing that their baptisms or reception into full Communion with the Church are now but days away, because some years ago, I was in their shoes. I wasn't baptized at Easter-because of scheduling issues, I had to wait until Pentecost Sunday-but I do remember how I couldn't wait to receive the Eucharist. The opening words of today's first psalm at Lauds are an apt description of how I felt, and I think is probably an apt description of how many catechumens feel around our diocese, and around the country and the world. They are eager, but there is a question that hangs over some of them.


After Easter, and after the formal mystagogia phase of their formation is over, what is to become of them? I know that we still have a few from years' past that I see at Mass, and that are active in the parish. I'm also sure that some move to other parishes and become active where they live. There is a third group, however, that I have always felt particularly burdened in prayer for, and that group are those people who come to Mass for a few months but then fall away. Often, they do this because no one other than the people on the RCIA team seem to them to display any friendship or interest in them. Indeed, I've heard that complaint from at least one former candidate that I know. I am certain that while those who say these things might be looking at things superficially from time to time, more often I think that it is not unreasonable for new Catholics who have willingly joined the Church of their own accord under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to expect that members of their parish community will befriend them and seek to include them, not merely to boost membership numbers in a parish group, but out of a real interest in that person's spiritual development.


I firmly believe that I took such a keen continued interest in the Church in my early days as a Catholic because some holy clergy and laypeople took an active interest in me and my spiritual development, and encouraged me to become involved with things in the Church that they saw I was interested in and good at, and encouraged me to develop a prayer life and a real relationship with both God and with the people around me. In short, I was very heavily encouraged to begin living out the faith into which I had been baptized and was willing to publicly profess. Because there were people around me at the time within the Church who encouraged me in this way, I believe that the spiritual road which the Holy Spirit put me on was leading me to where I am today in deaconate formation, though I couldn't have seen or understood it at that time in my life.


Obviously, not everyone who participates in the RCIA process is going to feel called to deaconal or priestly formation or to life as part of a vowed religious community. New Catholics are all called, however, to be a part of the most important priesthood of all, and that is the royal priesthood of all the baptized, a chosen nation, St. Peter tells us, who are called to "declare the wonderful deeds of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." (1 Pet. 2:9) There is what Blessed John Paul II rightly called a "universal call to holiness" which new Catholics (and all Catholics) are called to live out-being the Body of Christ present in a world that is often skeptical of that Body and hostile to it. It can be difficult for new Catholics to live out that call to holiness if they don't have holy people around them ready to help them in their faith.


If you have adults in your parish who are being baptized or received into the Church this coming weekend, watch closely to see who they are. Say hello to them. Invite them to prayer groups, adoration,  or Bible study. Seek them out just to introduce yourself, most of the time a friendly word just to know that the parish community still cares about them may mean the world to them and open their hearts to allowing the Holy Spirit to work even more deeply in their lives. In a few weeks, the formal part of their formation will be ended, but they need that continuing formation that we all need in order to make our faith the very center of our lives that God calls us to make it. Those who will come into the Church this weekend need our prayers and our support, so that they will always long after the Lord "like the deer that yearns for running streams."

A little prompting of the Holy Spirit

Not this past weekend, but the one prior (March 9th and 10th), I had an opportunity to attend a retreat at our parish called Christ Renews His Parish. Our parish's lone remaining deacon, Deacon Jim Fage, was also there for much of the time. The retreat was largely given to us by some wonderful members of St. Francis de Sales parish in Lebanon, Ohio. They came and gave of themselves for us that we might in return give a similar retreat to others in the near future (hopefully in about six months). It was a wonderful and spiritually enriching weekend for everyone. I was most heartened that the deacon from St. Francis, Deacon Jay Rettig, came to help with the retreat because we had a wonderful time of exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, at the beginning of which Deacon Jay preached a wonderful homily based on John 6. Deacon Jay also preached the Sunday homily for the 11:30 Mass, and was kind enough to pray Vespers with me Saturday night (because I was by that point finding it hard to keep my eyes open, finding a prayer partner was a real help).

For me, there were several "a-ha" moments during the retreat, especially on Sunday. However, for me the most important thing that happened occurred outside of our retreat sessions. On Saturday night our lay retreat director, Scott Shafer, had organized a social hour after many of us had finished adoring the Eucharist and praying the rosary. I intended to go, as I had thought it would provide an opportunity for me to get to know some of the men from our parish who were on the retreat that I did not know as well. After all, I reasoned, if I am going to be ordained, I may be serving some of these men and their families. En route to the place of the social I stopped by the basement chapel where a group of men-some from St. Francis and some from St. Pat's-were praying for and over one another and each other's needs and intentions. I had prayer intentions as well, so I figured that I would go in and ask for prayer, and I did so. When my turn requesting and receiving the prayers of those assembled was finished, I thought that I would leave their presence and go to the social, indeed I headed for the door...


...But something...someone...stopped me, and I believe that someone was the Holy Spirit. I heard clearly.

"You will not go to the social and have a beer. You will not do so until you have stayed in this place and prayed for, with, and over every one of these men."


I did what I was told by the Holy Spirit, and I was glad that I did. I learned people's needs and intentions and added many to my personal prayer list. Most importantly, I gained a spiritual treasure by gaining the prayer partnership of some very wonderful human beings. As they helped me by their prayers, I pray that I was able to be of some comfort to them with mine, and that I continue to be.


By the time we were finished, I was exhausted, which is why it was so hard for me to stay awake for the Office, but after Deacon Jay and I prayed it I was ready to retire for the night.


A special thank you should be given to Father Joseph Hammond, who allowed me to use the episcopal apartment for the night that night. I didn't request this, it was volunteered. This apartment is part of the rectory and was added for those occasions when the bishop might visit our parish. When Monsignor Garrity was with us, and his late mother came to stay with our parish family, Ms. Sylvia lived in the bishop's quarters. It was comfortable and certainly spacious, although I had no time to enjoy that. I think I got four hours of sleep that night, if that...but it felt like holy deprivation!

Sede vacante

Benedict XVI is now the Supreme Pontiff Emeritus. I just watched the closing of the doors and the changing of the guard at Castel Gandolfo as the clock struck eight in Rome. It is certainly a day of what I would call mixed emotions. I know he's "Pope Emeritus," I know that the College of Cardinals will elect a new Pontiff regnant, I know that this person will be the Vicar of Christ, and I know and believe that Holy Mother Church will go on and on. It is hard, however, not to call Benedict Holy Father. Maybe I'll just call him "Holy Father Benedict" or just "Papa Bene." I don't want to speak of Benedict in a way that appears to diminish the respect we all need to have for the new Holy Father, especially since Benedict already pledged his loyalty and support to that as-yet unnamed man earlier today.

Despite the personal feelings I might have with regard to Benedict's decision and today's events, it has become increasingly clear to me in recent days that what is happening is the Lord's will. This past Sunday, Papa Emeritus said that he felt that the Gospel passage on the Transfiguration was aimed directly at him, and he has talked this week about how he had asked the Lord to help him lighten his physical load. When I heard Holy Father Benedict speak of this, I could certainly identify in a very personal way with what he was saying. I am not sure what the nature of his conversation with God was like, but I believe that the Holy Spirit let him know that he has done all that has been required of him, and it was time for a new Supreme Pontiff.

Benedict has said that it is time for him to "climb the mountain" and be with God in a more intimate way in prayer more fully, as he able to devote the remainder of his earthly life to contemplation and prayer. I must admit to a kind of "holy envy" of this new status of Benedict, if there can possibly be such a thing. There are many times when I feel that my prayer time isn't quite good enough and I just want to  "climb the mountain" and spend a lot more time with God. However, I have responsibilities-and ministry-which keeps me from the fullness of such a contemplative life at this point (not to mention a wonderful wife who expects I will be around a good long time!). The Holy Spirit did not call me to a full time contemplative life, and I trust the Holy Spirit's wisdom in that regard, but there are times when I wish I had more time each day for a far more contemplative and prayer-filled existence. Yes, I pray every day...I want to pray even more, and I want to enter the presence of God in prayer even more-even as I grow close to him, I long to be even closer. Hence, for this reason I have a certain envy, because now Benedict will have all the time in the world to grow closer to Christ and to the Father before he leaves this passing world.

But the Lord also extracted from Joseph Ratzinger a very full life of service to his Church and his Kingdom before calling him to this new ministry of prayer, and I also remind myself of that, even as I pray for our Pontiff Emeritus, and for the Church in the days ahead.

Bless us one last time, Holy Father Benedict!

A thank you for Benedict and a prayer for the conclave

Do you remember when you heard the news that Benedict XVI had been elected?





I was actually watching everything streaming over the internet on EWTN at the time. I remember feeling a sense of great joy when it was clear that the smoke was white and there would be a new pope. I was relieved that the conclave had been so short, because I thought a long conclave might lead to the secular media having a speculation field day in ways that go beyond the normal. I was then, as I am now, ready to embrace whoever was ultimately chosen, but I did have a favorite at the time-someone who I felt led by the Holy Spirit to pray for especially. His name was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, and he was the prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. I was praying specifically for him-I had a feeling in the depth of my soul that he should be pope and that he would be pope.

When his name was announced I was ecstatic-I did not know whether to laugh or shout or cry with glee. I understood beyond the shadow of any doubt in my mind that God's will had been done that day, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit about the whole business, even though I was watching on a computer screen thousands of miles away from Rome. I still believe that today-Benedict has been a wonderful shepherd.

When I heard the news that he would abdicate the Chair of Peter this Thursday early in the morning on Monday, February 11th, I had the inevitable reaction of shock, sadness, and a degree of disappointment. I love the Holy Father. I love his writings, and I have a deep appreciation for what his work has meant for the Church over many, many years of faithful service. His theological opus has reached people of all faiths and has won many converts to the Church, most of whom never met him. Then I listened to and read his statement, and the words he has spoken about his decision since that day, and I believe that as the Holy Spirit brought him to the See of Peter, the Holy Spirit has let him know that the time is right for another to take his place.

This time around, there are two or three of the cardinals who I think might make a fine Pontiff, but now it is purely a matter of personal opinion on my part. I don't have the strong feeling and the leading from the Holy Spirit that I felt preceding the last conclave that one of the men ought to and would likely be elected, and Cardinal N. is that person-now I simply feel a need to pray for all of the cardinal-electors with some fervor.

One thing that seems to be occurring at a very unhealthy level is that there seems to be more media pressure and speculation than there was last time and-if some Catholic sources are to be believed-perhaps more than has ever been. The amount of speculative media frenzy has become so ridiculous that even the Vatican has openly condemned it as disgraceful. We are all entitled as Catholics to our own opinions of who we might like to see elected or not (that is human nature to a degree), but we all have to respect that not only is the conclave to be kept secret (and should forever be), but it is to be kept secret in order to preserve the integrity and the legitimacy of the papal election itself. Furthermore, whoever is elected deserves our respect, affection, support, and will have great need of our prayers.

As for Holy Father Benedict, I am thankful for his ministry, and I believe the Church and the cause of the Gospel are better served today because Joseph Ratzinger devoted his life to the service of the Church and we have been blessed to have him in the Chair of St. Peter. Let us pray for him as he prays for us.

________________________________

Let us also pray for the Cardinals who will vote in this upcoming conclave. I have a little prayer I came up with for them-it isn't much, just the thoughts of my heart, and I invite you to pray with me or to pray a prayer for them from your own heart.

Almighty Ever-living God, may your guiding hand and the power of your holy presence be among the Cardinal-electors, as they gather at the threshold of the Holy Apostles Peter and Paul to choose a new successor to fill the shoes of the Fisherman. May they be so disposed to choose a man after your own heart, who delights in your laws and meditates upon you day and night. 

Through the intercession of Mary, Mother of God and Mother of the Church, may he pilot the barque of your Church through the stormy spiritual seas of our skeptical age, that we may reach in triumph the glory of your everlasting Kingdom.

We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

Ash Wednesday

Today we will hear those words "Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return." They are the words God said to Adam and Eve when they were expelled from the Garden of Eden. When all that he had was so suddenly taken from him, Job said "naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return; the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (cf. Job 1:20)

The beginning of 2013 has certainly been a rocky start for Nicole and myself. We experienced some unexpected car trouble that kept me away from a formation workshop-the first such formation-related event I have ever missed, and I hope the last. We then experienced a series of unexpected minor calamities, none of which would be a very big deal by themselves, but which, happening all at once, had the effect of depleting the bank account unexpectedly. Then my grandmother passed away, although we knew it was coming. At the end of this past week, a cousin of Nicole's had his life brought to an end at a youthful age. Last night at RCIA, I learned that not only was a dear friend who is part of our RCIA team having chest pains, but that he was told by his doctor to go immediately to hospital.  The early weeks of this Year of Our Lord 2013 have shown us how fragile and delicate our lives are.

We are blessed to serve a God of second chances, and Lent is all about second chances. It is a season of conversion and repentance and penance on the one hand, and renewal and refreshment and new life (as we know we move toward Easter and the Lord's Resurrection). However, Lent is also a reminder to us that taking advantage of God's mercy is our choice, and we only have one life to do it in.  That, coincidentally, is why you see the clock on the left sidebar of this blog. Yes, you will be able to tell the time by . More importantly, however, it is my hope that it will serve as a reminder that God's me for us in this world is finite-each of us has one life to do our part for the Kingdom of God.

Some will hear the words today "turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel." We are called to a life of fidelity to God, and today is a reminder that no matter what we might have done, Christ is ready to receive us in love all over again.

Be not afraid

Yesterday was one of those days when I needed the readings that were presented, and I believe the Holy Spirit spoke to me through them in a special way. As you might have figured out by reading my posts, there have times when I have struggled with my own worthiness to be in formation. I have questioned, as I am sure many men have on the road to the deaconate, my own worthiness to be there. There are times when I have thought "I am not as holy as others, Lord, why choose me," or even (in honesty) "I am a cripple, Lord, what can I do to minister to others in your name that brings the Church to them." I have struggled with this at times with a full understanding that no small part of this comes from the devil, who delights at bringing discouragement to us. Even knowing that, however, it helps to be reminded that God's ways are not our ways, and that he doesn't work in the same way that we do, not even remotely-though he often uses human agents to do his work.

I thought of those times I have been discouraged about my own ministry when I heard the readings yesterday, and the thought of God's goodness overwhelmed me nearly to the point of tears as I listened to the vision of the Prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 6:6-8:

Then I said, “Woe is me, I am doomed! For I am a man of unclean lips, living among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” Then one of the seraphim flew to me, holding an ember that he had taken with tongs from the altar. He touched my mouth with it, and said, “See, now that this has touched your lips, your wickedness is removed, your sin purged.” Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” “Here I am,” I said; “send me!”

The real a-ha moment came in the second reading, when St. Paul described his own unworthiness to exercise his special calling as an apostle when, unlike the other apostles, he didn't walk and talk with the Lord when he was personally present, and he persecuted the Church in his zeal, but he told the Corinthians in 1st Corinthians 15:8-11 that God put him in his office entirely because of his mercy and grace:

Last of all, as to one born abnormally, he appeared to me. For I am the least of the apostles, not fit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me has not been ineffective. Indeed, I have toiled harder than all of them; not I, however, but the grace of God that is with me. Therefore, whether it be I or they, so we preach and so you believed.

At this point, I felt like the Lord was hitting me over the head with a proverbial frying pan, as if to say: "Is this clear enough for you?" He was telling me that his concept of worthiness and mine might be quite different, even as I struggle with whether I am humble enough to be a deacon-but Paul struggled with humility too, and he was an apostle-far more important than I ever want to be. Then there was the Gospel, and the part that struck me was Peter and the Lord's words to him in Luke 5:5-11:

“Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.” When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that the boats were in danger of sinking. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the knees of Jesus and said, “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” For astonishment at the catch of fish they had made seized him and all those with him, and likewise James and John, the sons of Zebedee, who were partners of Simon. Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.” When they brought their boats to the shore, they left everything and followed him.

In Peter's words I could hear myself saying that very thing to Jesus "depart from me, for I am a sinful man." I could also hear Jesus' words in reply back to me "do not be afraid..." That may have been the most important thing Jesus said to Peter...it might have been the most important thing I heard in the readings yesterday, something that the Lord knew I needed to hear.

I woke up this morning to the news that the Holy Father will resign, effective February 28th. Perhaps that is one of the many reasons why I needed to hear "be not afraid" yesterday, because today my first thought after hearing the news was "Lord, what are we going to do now?" Yes, I know the canonical procedure quite well, I know we'll have a conclave and a new Pope, and the Church will role on. It doesn't make the situation any easier for those of us who love and appreciate Pope Benedict XVI, but I am open to the reality that the Holy Spirit may be doing something new. The Holy Father has, I believe, acted under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and we should continue to pray that the Holy Spirit guides the Church through this time and that the College of Cardinals meets with the power of the Holy Spirit very active among them under the protection and intercession of Mary, Mother of the Church.


Finally, I have a request for those of you who are regular readers of this blog. As you may be able to see, I've placed a clock on the left hand sidebar of this blog. I'll have more to say about the clock and why it is there in a special entry I am composing for Ash Wednesday, but the clock used in the widget is not my first choice of a clock. There are a couple of other clock widgets I would prefer (one is from Clocklink), and I could insert one of them by incerting the HTML code in the proper place-but blogger has changed its HTML code since I have worked with it, and I can't figure out where in the code the sidebar is located! I need a hand with this. Feel free to e-mail me if you can be of assistance.

A Roman Missal and two books of rites

This coming Friday begins a formation weekend for us, and this month our study will be on the Sacred Liturgy of the Church, and I've been waiting on this weekend for a long time because I truly love the liturgy, whether it is the Mass or the Liturgy of the Hours, I love liturgical worship with a passion, and I love the new translation of the Roman Missal, so you can imagine how thrilled that I was when we all got shiny new copies of the Missal last month to read the General Instruction On the Roman Missal and prepare for this month of instruction.

 We also received copies of the rites for Holy Communion Outside of Mass and the Rite of Baptism for Children, and we were assigned in advance to read the general instructions at the beginning of those rites books, in addition to the Catechism of the Catholic Church's sections on liturgy as well as some other readings given to us in a large and bulky binder that contains instruction and information that we'll need in the months and years ahead. I had been very pleased to have the Rite of Baptism for Children and the Rites of Holy Communion Outside of Mass, so you can imagine my surprise when, after reading the instructions in each rite book, only to find that the formulas and responses were in accordance with the old Missal which is no longer in effect. I asked my spiritual director about this, and he said that in the case of Communion Outside Mass, the rite book I have could still be useful, especially if I learn some of the "new responses" by heart. He pointed out that when visiting a nursing home or convalescent home for example, there are many people in those places who only truly know the liturgical rites as they were before the Liturgical Year 2012, and that it isn't unusual to find people who will respond with the so-called "old responses" by instinct in many cases. In those cases where people are aware of the new Missal, they may already know the new responses.


I hoped I would get years worth of use out of the liturgical texts, especially out of the baptism and Holy Communion books since those functions are especially important to the liturgical life of a deacon. I hope I still don't have to replace the latter two for many years-and I hope that if the Lord allows me to be ordained that my Roman Missal will be very well-worn indeed when I finally have to replace it. Pray for me this weekend and for my other Brother Aspirants, not only do we always need it, but I know that as you pray for me, I am also praying for you.

Reflection on the Baptism of the Lord

Luke 3:15-16, 21-22:

  The people were filled with expectation, and all were asking in their hearts whether John might be the Messiah. John answered them all, saying, “I am baptizing you with water, but one mightier than I is coming. I am not worthy to loosen the thongs of his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire."

 After all the people had been baptized and Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, heaven was opened and the holy Spirit descended upon him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”






Recently, I had the special pleasure of writing a piece for the Diocese of Knoxville's 25th Anniversary Jubilee website on the triple meaning of the Feast of the Epiphany. I'll leave you to visit the site and read for yourself to find out more (the link is in the text above), but the short version was that the Feast of the Epiphany had originally celebrated three important manifestations of God and of Christ's divinity. One was the Incarnation and Nativity of Our Lord, one was the Baptism of the Lord, and one was the Wedding Feast at Cana, where Jesus performed his first miracle of changing water into wine. Many Eastern Christians believe that the Baptism of the Lord was the real beginning of Christ's passion, because it was the beginning of Jesus' public ministry, and it was from that point that the entire trajectory of Jesus' life began to move slowly toward the Cross. It may be with this reality in mind that the Church both ends the Christmas season on this feast and begins what we call Ordinary Time-the majority of the Church year where we are really celebrating the teachings of Jesus in our worship, just as we reflect on the unique mysteries of his life that we celebrate at Christmas, Lent, Holy Week, and Easter time. Note that this year, there are exactly 30 days of Ordinary Time before Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.


Jesus' baptism was both an example for us as well as the beginning of his ministry. As Catholic Christians, it is our belief that Jesus Christ is both fully human and fully divine-completely God and completely man. That's not a mystery that I can begin to explain with due justice, but I will say that I believe that like all of us, Jesus in his human nature received a call from God at some point in his life. Some folks think this was when he was 12 years old and told his parents when they ran back to Jerusalem looking for him and found him in the Temple: "Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” (cf. Luke 2:49) There are also some people who think that the real beginning of his call happened on the day of his baptism when the Father's voice said "this is my beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased." (cf. Luke 3:22) That wouldn't be too different from the rest of us, because whether we were old enough to understand it or not, our call into the family of God began at our baptism. Since I was baptized as an adult, it wouldn't be unfair to say that if the Lord calls me to ordination, that that call-though known to God and intended by God before the foundation of the world-began when I first said yes to God, and when I asked the Church to baptize me. The call comes from God, but the choice to respond to that call rests with us-God is never going to force himself on us, because that would not be an act of love, and God is Love. We know that Jesus was tempted like us, but unlike us, he never sinned-he always chose the better part.


I have shared with you here in recent days that I have prayed and continue to pray that the Lord would give me a great increase in humility. I feel the call to the deaconate even stronger now than felt when I began formation, even as I understand that for me, this entire journey is one based on trust in God, because just as when I began formation, I know not what tomorrow shall bring. I learned that firsthand today. Nicole and I are experiencing some sudden car trouble. Thankfully, we'll be able to have the car fixed without much difficulty (it is an issue with the power steering), but it looks as though I may miss our deanery formation workshop as a result, since Saturday is the one day that we can take the car in to have the issue fixed that wouldn't wreak havoc on our regular daily schedule. When I first heard this, I was distraught-I have never missed a formation weekend or a workshop. I look forward to them with eagerness, and Nicole also expressed to me how disappointed she was that she wouldn't be able to attend-I miss my brother Aspirants when we are not learning together. As much as I was upset at this, nearly to the point of anger, I then stopped to reflect that I had been praying for an increase in humility, and that God often increases our humility through trials and sudden unforeseen difficulties, and I just felt led to say "thank you Lord." Even when things get rough, I have to learn to be thankful.

Human apprehension and reminders to trust and obey

As I posted on Saturday, I was truly given grace by this past weekend's formation class(es), and I thought that Father Michael Cummins showed us a living example of grace and humility in the spiritual life, an example to which we should all aspire, whether laity or clergy, aspirants, seminarians, or religious.


I did learn that later this week, those of us who are in the deaconate formation program will receive a list of potential assignments for summer service projects. A lot of these will be projects through Catholic Social Services, although we were told there would also be some other opportunities available. I had occasion yesterday to talk to one of my brother aspirants and we agreed that we are very eager to serve whoever, whatever, and however the Church might call us, since service is what the ministry of the deacon is about above all else...but as I shared with my brother in the Lord I am a little nervous for a very practical reason, and that is that whatever summer assignment I have must be something that is readily accessible to me. Since I don't drive, I have to rely on my wife very often to get me where I need to be in order to fulfill lots of responsibilities, and certainly church-related responsibilities that I have been called over the years to take on. Nicole is far from the only person who gives me this kind of assistance. As I have already written previously on this weblog, I could not attend deaconate formation with regularity in order to study with the required frequency of the formation process without the sincerely offered assistance of two of my Brother Aspirants, Steve Helmbrecht and Don Griffith. It is more than fair to say, however, that Nicole's help-usually behind the scenes and often without appearance or fanfare-has made my daily formation a reality. As a result, I do have a concern about how I will carry out my assignment, since Nicole can't do it all in terms of making sure that I can be everywhere I need to be-she also has a schedule and responsibilities of her own.

On the other hand, I must daily remind myself that whatever happens, absolutely none of this is about me, and the moment it becomes about me, it then becomes reasonable to question whether I am receiving a call from the Holy Spirit, or whether the call is of my own desire and volition. Were it to be the latter, I would not continue on my journey, since I believe the call to Holy Orders must come from the Holy Spirit, and that any desire on my own part to be ordained must exist because it is my desire to serve God and do his holy will.


So far, the Lord has provided for me as I have believed in faith that if being in formation and being ordained a deacon are truly God's will for my life, the Lord will continue to open doors as they are needed.

Prayer and spirituality

As I write this, I'm at our January formation weekend, and the focus for this weekend is prayer and spirituality. Our instructor and spiritual guide for the weekend is Father Michael Cummins, who also happens to be our diocesan vocations director. Those of you who are from Johnson City or who may have attended East Tennessee State University might be familiar with Father Michael, because he is also the campus minister at the Catholic Center at ETSU, and he has a big challenge-as he told us "I'm a staff of one."

I have a special place in my heart for campus ministry, because I was baptized as an adult in a campus ministry setting, and I know that Catholic campus ministries can be an island of spiritual serenity in a sea of secular doubt and social disorder on our campuses today. One of the things thus far which impresses me about Father Michael is that he has such a deep and abiding spirit of humility about his ministry. I have gotten to the point where I daily pray for an increase in humility, because it is something that I always struggle with. Thinking you are being more humble is one thing, but when I see the humility and the spirit of peace with which Father Michael teaches and carries out his ministry, I know that I still have some way to go in that department. In observing Father Michael, I see that this is a spirit that I want to further cultivate in my own life and ministry in the days, weeks, and months ahead, and I would ask for prayers from all reading this for a great increase in humility in service.


One of the things we've talked about thus far are the positives and negatives in the Church and society today, and how these various factors impact our prayer and spirituality. I've talked about the negatives quite a lot on this blog in recent weeks, but there are also lots of good things happening in the Church that can aid our prayer and spiritual life. One of these is that the development of new media communication, with all of its inherent social baggage, can also be a tremendous aid in the spread of the Gospel and in aiding the faith of people who are already living lives of faith in Jesus Christ, but they need resources made available to them in order to better apply that faith to their prayer life and to daily work and life in the world. New media makes this kind of ministry much more available to people who need it. In thinking about this, I am reminded that I started this blog to be a ministry, even though it admittedly also acts as a vehicle for me to journal a bit about my own formation and spiritual development. If you are blessed by what you find here, how can this blog better serve you?

My own prayer of Advent abandonment

Today is the last day of Ordinary Time, and Advent (and a new Year of Grace, the Church Year 2013) begins tonight at Vespers. This has been a busy year of change and reflection for both Nicole and myself. My studies in the permanent deaconate program for the Diocese of Knoxville are moving along, and I continue to pray and discern-and I continue to believe that the Holy Spirit is calling me to continued discernment. As time passes, I believe that the Lord is calling me to the deaconate. What I have yet to discern or discover is just what my ministry will be if-by God's grace and favor-the Church does call my name on ordination day. I'm sure I'll minister at the altar, and I am sure that the pastor I serve under-whether my current one or another-might even turn me loose to preach from time to time. I hope that if that does happen, my preaching might bring both blessing and conviction to those who need those things-that I would be able in preaching to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."


But the deaconate is not about-to quote our diocese's Assistant Director of Deacons "about being up at the altar and dressing up like the Infant of Prague." Sure, the ministry of the altar and the ministry of preaching and teaching that is a part of that is an extremely important part of being a deacon, but that isn't a deacon's exclusive function. Deacons were established initially both to proclaim the word as a prophetic function, but more importantly to care for widows, orphans, the very poor among the community (cf. Acts 6:1-8). I'm not sure what my ministry may be in the future if I am ordained, but my spiritual director has also told me not to worry so much about that-he said that there have been times in his priesthood when he didn't know what his ministry would be-it should be left ultimately to the Holy Spirit.




That is how I have come to see my ministry. In whatever way and in whatever capacity God calls me to service, even if it seems small and insignificant, then if one soul is impacted with the Gospel as a result-and not even directly by me-then all of the obstacles and hardships and trials and questions of the discernment and formation process will have been worth it.


Every day I pray that God will give me the grace I need to abandon myself completely into His hands, and to die more fully to self. When I think I am making progress in that department, I will say or do something that reminds me that I still have a long way to go...that I'm not yet where God wants me to be, but I'm willing to be, and that if I let him take hold of me more completely, he'll get me there.


This Advent, I make anew a prayer of total abandonment to God-that as Christ abandoned his very Glory to become one of us, I might abandon my own desires in order that God's purposes might be achieved, and his Name and His Church be glorified afresh in me.

Spiritual direction...

I'm about to set off for formation this month momentarily, but I want to thank everyone for their prayers. In my last post, I commented about my need for a spiritual director, and it seems that prayer has been answered. I've been able to meet with Father Alex Waraksa, who is the associate pastor at my parish. With the Director of Deacons' permission, he'll be serving as my spiritual director from now on.

More about this weekend when I return.